Page 80 of Not Ready

“I don’t know, either,” I admit. “Honestly, I’m afraid it’ll upset me. I’m supposed to be staying calm.” That might be an understatement. Something in his tone alone has me on edge.

“You got really lucky, Vale. I don’t want to sugarcoat it too much, because it’s important you understand how vigilant you need to be in the future.” Holt’s head shakes. “The last thing I want to do is scare you. We’re going to handle Landis.”

“I believe you’ll keep me safe.” My fingers run over his skin as his heart thumps under my ear. That, combined with the sound of his purr, would be very relaxing if not for this awful conversation I want no part of.

“Do you trust me to filter what information I give you?”

“I don’t know what that means,” I admit. “You mean, keep the details to yourself?”

He gives a clipped nod. “You’re already about to pop. You’re keeping the baby no matter what, right?”

Panic jolts through my system as I try to push up to look at him. “Why?”

He keeps me in place with his hand on my lower back. “Sometimes, groups like that will plant someone in a target’s life. Basically, they act like a friend or neighbor. In some cases, a boyfriend or partner, but it’s really meant to give the team access to your schedule and a chance to learn your routine. Even to pick up on if there would be someone to report the person missing.”

“Oh, God,” I whisper, moving my face to his throat.

My mind races.

Is there a possibility that’s what Cooper was doing?

No, I honestly don’t think so.

If he’s involved with Andrew, he’s a much better actor than the others. Andrew always made me uncomfortable. His friends—or team—gave me the creeps.

“I don’t think they were involved,” I say, and it sounds like wishful thinking to my own ears. “Andrew didn’t even start coming into the club until after I was pregnant. I wasn’t showing, but…”

“Fair enough.” He nuzzles his cheek to the side of my head. “Here’s my question. Would you want to know if we found out the one-night stand was involved? It’s not going to change your plan of action. Would it?”

My God, he’s hitting me with all the hard questions.

I honestly don’t know.

Would it change anything?

If anything, it would taint my memories of Cooper even further.

Could it change how I feel about Aurora?

Wow, I don’t like the idea of that at all.

She’s the only innocent one in all of this.

No matter what her biological makeup, I wouldn’t consider putting her up for adoption. She’s spent the last thirty-five weeks growing inside my body.

“You know, I put a lot of thought into having an abortion back when it was still a possibility.” This is something I haven’t even told Kate or Bishop. “Keeping my head above water was hard enough, but trying to provide for a baby too? It terrified me. I always figured I’d be bonded and settled into a pack before ever thinking about kids.”

Holt nods, continuing to run his hand up and down my back.

“At the end of the day, I couldn’t do it. It was the hardest decision I’ve had to make, but at this point, she’s mine. No matter how she came to be.”

“Yeah,” he says, his voice deep and gravelly. “It’s not a sure thing. I want you to know that. And if, in your gut, you feel like we’re totally off base, then we can leave it at that.”

“Maybe one day? Like if you knew for sure. Then, maybe one day, I might decide I want to know, but right now…” My eyes clench closed. “It’s not going to change my course of action.”

“Right,” he says. “I just didn’t like the idea of keeping that to myself. It’s been weighing on me. Bishop and Mercy weren’t in that meeting, so don’t think they’ve been holding out on you or anything. It’s something we do. We bounce around ideas and theories. It’s not a sure thing, but even the idea of it. I don’t know. It felt wrong not to loop you in on that line of thinking.”

“Did you find something at Andrew’s apartment that made you think that was a possibility?”

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