Page 17 of Where the River Meets the Skye

River squinted, smiling up at him, before closing his eyes once again. But Skye’s fingers and his heart told him that this was all wrong. That the touch lacked something. Something he craved. Something he needed. Something that he wanted more than anything in the world. Something he had wanted with River for far longer than he cared to admit.

Intimacy.

He sucked in a breath and stepped back.

Fuck.

No! Ice wall. Ice wall. Ice wall.

He watched as River dozed off, snoring softly, his chest rising and falling, Skye’s chest constricting because River was just So. Damn. Beautiful.

Intimacy.

He sat back in his chair and buried his face in his hands. I’m not falling in love with him. I’m not. I’m not. I’m not.

He looked back up at River, biting his lip as the reality settled painfully in his chest. Damn you, he told his best friend. Because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, the other sumo wrestler he’d put in front of the ice wall was gone. He knew better than to do this to himself, and yet he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help that he was falling in love with his best friend. His very straight best friend who had just stated only yesterday that the idea of having sex with another man made him uncomfortable, scared, even, because of what had happened to him as a teenager. And Skye didn’t blame him, not one bit, but he didn’t need sex. He didn’t need anything River wasn’t willing and ready to give. If they were together, boyfriends, or even husbands, he would be happy with just cuddles and kisses. He would be happy with just sitting in the same room with River, knowing that he was his, and that River loved him. He would treasure every look, every smile, every touch no matter how small, for the gift that it was because it would be River, and even that would be far more than he ever thought possible.

He started to tremble, and it was only then that he realized his cheeks were streaked with tears. They continued to fall as he realized there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was going to continue to fall deeper and deeper in love with River, and River would never know. Could never know. The only thing Skye could do was be River’s friend, as he’d always been, take care of him, be there for him. And he would continue to do that. Not just because he cared for him, but because River needed him, because even though he couldn’t be his lover, he wanted to be his friend. He just had to come to terms with the fact that River would never be his, not in the way he wanted him to be.

He would have to accept the fact that the one thing he truly wanted was something he would never have.

Skye was standing in the kitchen scrambling eggs the next morning when River came out of his bedroom dressed in the T-shirt he’d worn for the past two days, and his black swimming trunks.

“Going swimming, Riv?” he asked, less amusement in his voice than he had intended. He’d been trying so hard not to give off the melancholy vibes that surrounded him. He’d held it together throughout the evening, after River had woken up from his nap and they’d had dinner together, and watched The Avengers, but then his sleep had been restless at best. He knew he had to do something to snap himself out of this funk, and sitting around moping and pining for his best friend was, he knew, a colossal waste of time.

River smirked. “Yes, I thought I’d take a dip in our pool that we don’t have.”

Skye returned that smirk with one of his own. The banter reminded him that they were in fact best friends, and whatever else happened, or didn’t happen, he could hold onto that. They would always have each other. And that thought brightened his spirits a little bit.

“I was actually hoping you could help me take a bath after breakfast.”

Skye sputtered and choked on his coffee. “What?” he managed as he grabbed a washcloth to wipe off his shirt and chin while River stared at him, his eyebrow raised. He set his crutches aside and sat down at the bar. Skye blinked, unable to believe what he’d just heard. River was still staring at him like he’d gone crazy. “What?” Skye repeated.

River laughed now, but it made him wince. “Don’t worry. I don’t want you to actually help me take the bath. I just need your help getting in and out. I can rest my ankle up on the edge of the tub to keep it elevated and out of the water. Better than a shower at this point. Hence the swim trunks. Didn’t want you to get the full picture.”

“Oh.” Skye’s cheeks heated and he hoped River didn't notice. “Right. Sure, I can do that. After breakfast?”

River nodded.

“How’d you get into those anyway?” Skye gestured towards the swim trunks.

“Slowly and painfully,” River replied, making Skye laugh.

“You could have asked for help.”

“I could have. And then we would have had to get a friend divorce. Kind of defeats the whole purpose of you not seeing me naked if you have to help me get into them in the first place, don’t you think? Besides, I’m gonna have to figure out how to do these things by myself by the end of the week anyway. I’m definitely not going to have my aunt helping me change.”

“Guess that makes sense,” Skye said, taking another sip of his coffee. He certainly was not going to tell River that he wouldn't at all mind seeing him naked.

They finished eating and cleared up their dishes, then made their way into River’s bedroom.

“How warm do you want it?” Skye asked, turning on the faucet and testing the water. He looked back at River who was sitting on his bed now and pulling the bandage off of his head. The scrapes and scabs were healing nicely and it looked like he could leave the bandage off now.

“Warm, but not super hot.”

Skye waited a moment and put his hand under the water again to check the temperature. Deciding it was good he leaned over and plugged the drain to let it fill up. When he heard River wince he looked over.

“You okay?” he asked.

---