Page 70 of Where the River Meets the Skye

When he finally did get all the way off he had a hand on his jaw and his eyes were filled with something other than pain. Fear. And he still wasn’t talking.

“Riv, what happened?” he asked.

River just shook his head and pointed to his jaw. He looked close to tears.

Oh God.

Skye scrambled out of the bed and grabbed a sock from the dresser drawer and ran into the kitchen. He filled it with rice and tied it at the top and then threw it in the microwave for a minute and brought it back to River and handed it to him. “Try this,” he said. “It should help relax your jaw.”

River

River took the makeshift heating pad and rested it against his jaw, closing his eyes, trying to breathe. He was trying not to freak out. It hurt so bad. He’d never had his jaw lock on him before. And of all times for it to happen, it just had to be while he was giving his husband a blow job.

Goddamnit. He felt like he couldn’t do anything right. And the tears started falling once again, which just made his jaw hurt more.

“Riv,” Skye said next to him. “It’s gonna be okay.” He rested a hand on River’s shoulder but River jerked away, his tears coming harder now.

Skye sighed. “Should I leave you alone?” he asked.

River didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t want Skye’s pity. He just wanted to be a fucking husband and give the man he loved pleasure and he couldn’t fucking do that because his fucking body wouldn’t fucking work! And he was so fucking angry and done with all of it, but there was nothing he could do. What he wanted was to be better, to be whole. But Skye couldn’t give him that. So what was he supposed to do?

He nodded.

Skye got dressed and left.

And River cried.

When Skye came back to the bedroom half an hour later and climbed into bed, River was still awake.

“Hey,” Skye said softly. “Your jaw doing better?”

“Yeah,” River replied, facing away from his husband. He was depressed and angry and didn’t know what to do with his emotions. All the good memories from the sex they’d had earlier were mired by the fact that he felt like he’d let Skye down. He still hadn’t been able to give his husband an orgasm. Skye had probably rubbed one out in the living room while River had been in the bedroom feeling sorry for himself.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

River shook his head.

“K,” Skye said. And River could tell he was disappointed. “I love you,” he said. “Goodnight, Riv.”

A few minutes later he heard Skye snoring, and he closed his eyes as more tears slid down his cheeks.

CHAPTER 31

Skye

It was a few days later when Skye crawled into bed next to his husband and River sidled up next to him, planting kisses on his shoulder blades, and then his neck, before nibbling and licking his ear, that Skye wondered what was going on. They hadn’t talked about the other night still and they hadn't had any other sexual encounters, just soft kisses and casual touches, and River had seemed aloof and somewhat distant. Skye had wanted to talk to him, but he didn’t know how to bring it up again, and he’d been so exhausted.

“Hey,” he said, turning to face his husband. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry about the other night, Skye,” River said. “Can I make it up to you?”

“What do you mean?” Skye asked.

“I want to pleasure you. Please?”

Skye bit his lip. He wanted this, sure, but he didn’t want River to be doing it for the wrong reasons. “Riv, you don’t have to do this because you feel guilty, okay? I’m fine. I don’t?—”

“Damn it, Skye,” River snapped. “This isn’t about guilt, okay, this is about me wanting to do something that I can actually do. One thing, to make life a little better, a little easier for you, because you do a million things for me. Yes, I hated that I couldn’t finish what we started the other night and I was mad as hell at my body for failing me again, but I don’t want those limitations to keep us apart any more than they have to. So maybe I can’t use my mouth, and maybe anal sex is too exhausting for me, but I can give my husband a goddamn hand job because he fucking deserves it and because I fucking love him and I want to touch him, and be close to him, and this is the only way I know how. I can’t cook, or clean, or work, but I can do this! I can give back to you, and I can take care of you, like you take care of me, every single day.” River’s anger was giving way to tears and he was sobbing now. “So, please, Skye, please let me touch you. Not out of guilt or obligation. Out of love. Please.”

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