Page 31 of Where the River Meets the Skye

“Yeah, I get that. But for some reason, the idea of having you there makes me less upset and anxious about the whole ordeal. And if I do start having flashbacks or a panic attack, I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who’s going to be able to help me work through it.”

River heard his intake of breath, and then Skye swallowed. His response was barely audible, “Okay, I’ll come.”

Skye

“You okay, Riv?’ Skye asked as they sat in the car on the way back from seeing the pelvic floor therapist.

1.5 HOURS EARLIER

Skye couldn’t be more proud of River. He’d talked with the therapist about his concerns, about his history, and why he was hesitant about the therapy, and she had assured him that he was in good hands, that he was safe, and that they dealt with many patients in their line of work who had a history of sexual assault and the traumatic memories and associations that went hand in hand with it, and were hesitant to go forward with this kind of therapy for the same reasons. She told him that if at any moment he felt uncomfortable or changed his mind, she would be done, he just had to say so. He nodded and Skye and the therapist left to let River get undressed from the waist down.

When they came back in, River was lying on his side, covered with a sheet, his hands under his head. “I’m going to put a glove on, and some lubricant,” the therapist told him. “Are you okay so far?”

River took a deep breath and let it out, then nodded.

“Okay, I need you to relax, and just breathe,” the therapist instructed. “Then bear down like you’re having a bowel movement. That will actually make it easier for me to get in and less uncomfortable for you. It shouldn’t hurt, but if it does, let me know. It’ll feel cold, and you’ll feel my finger sliding in, okay? If at any point you need me to stop, just say so.”

“Can I stand by him?” Skye asked, feeling a desperate need to be by his friend’s side.

“Of course.” She smiled at him and he moved over to the other side of the table so he could see River. His eyes closed as he breathed in again, and Skye reached out and took his hand. River’s gaze met his as he breathed out.

“You got this,” Skye told him. “You’re safe. I’m here.” I love you. You’re so strong. And so beautiful. And you’ve never let your scars define you. I am so proud of you.

River’s grip on his hand tightened as he breathed out again, then shifted ever so slightly as the therapist's finger slid inside him.

“You’ve got a lot of scar tissue in here,” she stated, matter of factly, “which could be causing a lot of the problem if the adhesions formed on the surrounding muscles and tendons are pulling on your tailbone. And your tailbone is definitely dislocated. It’s deviated to the left like the x-ray showed and it’s also tucked under. So I can move your tailbone back into place, but then we’re gonna have to work on doing some pelvic floor exercises to relax those muscles and give you more room so your tailbone can stay in place. We’ll also tape it on the outside so that it stays in place. But the exercises are going to be essential. And then I would recommend that you come back as often as possible to do some myofascial release and work on breaking up the scar tissue that’s built up in here because that will help too. You doing okay so far?”

River nodded even as his gaze stayed locked with Skye’s. His hand hadn’t moved from Skye’s, and Skye gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m fine,” River said.

“Okay, I’ve reached your tailbone. You’re going to feel a tugging sensation, and maybe a sharp pain.”

River grunted and winced.

“You okay?” she asked again.

He nodded.

“Okay, I’m going to come out slowly now,” she told him. “Just keep breathing in and out.” River did. “Okay, one long exhale,” she instructed, and then she was sliding out and standing up, removing her gloves and tossing them in the trash. Then she turned back to River with a warm smile.

“You did great. Now we’ll get you taped up, and I’ll show you those exercises. I would like to see you once a week for the next few months, just to get rid of some of that scar tissue and do the myofascial release I talked about. It’ll be really similar to what we did today but it will take a little longer, and we’ll do internal and external work around your tailbone. If you want to take some time to think about it you can. I totally understand. But I do think it would really help your physical health improve and help you get back some quality of life. Let me know what you decide. I’ll be back with the tape and the copies of those stretches.”

River sat up. “Can I ask you something?” he said, somewhat hesitantly.

“Of course,” she answered.

“The scar tissue you’re talking about, is there any way to tell what caused that? I mean, was it from the assault?”

“It’s quite possible. I’m afraid that’s often the case for victims of sexual assault. But I’m afraid there’s really no way to know for sure in your particular case,” she said. “You said you also had a bad fall several years back, and a car accident not too long ago, correct?”

River nodded.

“So any one of those things or a combination of the three could have caused it. But we’re going to do our best to help you get better, okay? Just hang in there.”

River nodded, biting his lip. “Thank you.”

Skye’s breath hitched when River reached over and took his hand, pulling it away from the steering wheel and interlocking their fingers together. His heart started beating rapidly as River’s warm skin pressed against his, and focusing on driving became increasingly difficult.

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