Page 6 of Queen Of Clubs

I hate it. I want to hug him, to tell him everythings going to be okay. To tell him that he and the guys are going to take this world by storm and become something big. Tell him not to be sad, but instead, be excited for the fact that they are now free of this life we’ve been forced to live.

They have a chance to make something of themselves but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to beg them, plead with them to stay here. Not to leave me in a world where I don’t get to see their faces every day. I don’t, though. Because that would be selfish of me. I’d hate myself if I was the thing that came between them and something life-changing.

Wrapping my arms around my trembling body, I watch as he slowly steps in front of me. His eyes are so intense, I can’t look away.

He grows closer until he’s towering over me, forcing me to tilt my head back. “I need you to know something before we leave here tonight, Trouble,” he says, his voice is nothing but a soft rumble.

His large, warm hands move to cup my cheeks. I gasp as if a spark inside me was ignited at his touch.

“You are single-handedly the best thing that's ever happened in my life. That night, when you found me on that rooftop... you don’t know this, but you saved me. I was looking up at the night sky, thinking of a way I could end everything. My mother died not too long after I was born. From then, I bounced around from foster home to foster home. I had no one. No friends, no family, no one to love me. I never did. Until you. A pretty little redhead with eyes that matched her name. You didn’t see a broken boy. You saw me as a person, and never once did you ever look at me as anything but.”

My breaths come out in short, choppy pants, my eyes flicking frantically back and forth between his. My mind whirls, trying to process everything he’s saying.

“I love you, Jade. I have from the moment I saw you. It’s killing me to leave you here, with those shitty people. But I’m doing this for you, for us. I’m going to give you the whole fucking world, Jade, because you deserve it. Nothing less will do. This isn’t a goodbye, this isn’t forever, this is just for now. We’ll come back for you, always remember that.”

It’s like time stops, everything around Zane and me fades away as he slides his hand from my cheek to the back of my head, cupping it as he brings his lips to mine.

It’s my first kiss. And with a man that I love. In that very second, everything is perfect as he moves his lips against mine, kissing me like I’m the air that he needs to breathe. My body hums to life, everything in me telling me to wrap my arms around him, to deepen the kiss.

But he moves away; it’s over too soon. I want to pull him back to me, beg him to keep kissing me.

Zane takes a step back, the look on his face utter destruction, before he gives me one last look and turns around. He doesn’t walk, but jogs toward the bus, boarding it just in time. Because as soon as he’s on it, the doors close behind him, taking my heart and soul with him.

Did I hear him right? Did he just tell me he loved me? Me, Jade?

How could he confess something like that, something so damn huge, and just walk away? How could he tell me he loved me and just leave!

I stand there, my fingers touching my lips where they still burn from his kiss, watching in shock as the bus backs up and takes off down the street. I watch until I can no longer see it.

And then I’m crumbling to my knees, deep, heavy sobs finding their way free from my chest.

I’m alone. There’s no one left. I have no other friends, no family, nothing. The only people who’ve ever been there for me just left. And now, it’s just me.

I’m not sure how long I sit there and cry, but eventually one of the workers comes to check on me. They ask if I need help, if they could call anyone to come get me.

That just reminds me all over again that there’s no one. So, I shake my head, do my best to stand on my wobbly legs and walk back to Karen and Charles’ house.

With each step, I grow more and more numb. I feel my inner light starting to dim as I begin to shut down.

By the time I get to the house, I feel nothing. I’m an empty shell of myself.

Karen starts in on me the moment I open the front door, but I ignore her, walking up the stairs. I don’t go to my room, but instead, find myself at theirs.

Standing in the doorway, I stare at their empty beds. All of their personal things are gone, the room being stripped down to just the mattresses.

The wall once covered in posters is now a naked white.

My feet move again, guiding me to the bed. I let myself fall forward, face down, into the mattress.

It still smells like them, a mix of their scents. It’s faint, though, fading away much too quickly.

Moving my head to the side, I lay there, staring out the window.

The words Everett spoke last night come to mind. We were sitting in the tree house, watching the stars. He put his arm around me and told me that whenever I felt alone, whenever I missed them, to just look up at the moon and he’d do the same. Because no matter where they were, we shared the same moon.

Was he looking out the window of the bus right now, eyes on the moon, as mine are?

Doesn’t matter because no moon will bring them back. No moon will make my life any less fucked up.

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