Page 135 of Until I Own You

“More than…that. But that’s not the point.” I don’t need my mother knowing my preferences behind closed doors.

“You can’t mean…you don’t mean Bridget. Bridget Bridget. Solomon’s Bridget. Must be a different…” She stops when she realizes I’m nodding. “Oh my god, you’re serious.”

“Why would I lie about that?”

She places her hands against her cheeks. “How did…how did this happen?”

“It just…did.” I shrug. “I’ve always been interested in her.”

“You have?”

I don’t bother beating around the bush. All I can do is give her the truth. The facts. “It’s true. And she’s always been interested in me.”

She places her head in her hand. “Oh my god. This is…”

“I know it’s a lot.”

“Seth, this is…well,” she says with another uncomfortable laugh. “You know I’m married to her father, so you two are–”

I lay my hands out on the table. “Don’t you think I know that? Of course, I know that. That’s why I’m telling you that, why I’m trying to explain to you why I’m…why it’s…”

“So, you two are together now? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“No, she–” A lump grows in my throat. “She won’t take me like that.”

My mother frowns, her head bouncing back. “I’m confused.”

I swallow. “We were just keeping things…physical.” That’s not not the truth.

My mother plays with her wedding ring.

We don’t talk about this kind of thing for obvious reasons.

“A secret. Because we knew…we know it’s wrong. Or strange. Or–” I bite down on my lower lip. “Mom, being down there and remembering everything…” My voice warbles, and I know I’m not long for keeping it together.

She puts her hand on my knee. “I should’ve told you not to go down there, I should’ve known it would–”

“No, Mom. I’ve been keeping down all the hurt for so many years. I haven’t dealt with any of it. I miss him so much.” A few tears slide down my cheeks. Thankfully, nothing like the torrent I experienced with Bridget.

My mom wicks the tears away. “I know you do, honey. I do too.”

“But you have Solomon. I can’t replace my dad.”

Her brow furrows. “Solomon has never been a replacement for your dad, honey.”

“But you…you fell in love with him. And he’s trying to be all buddy buddy with me and–”

“You and I are allowed to have people in our lives that love us and care about us the way your father did,” she says. “That doesn’t mean we’re replacing him or moving on. The grief will always be there.”

I tilt my head back as more tears pour down my face. “I want to feel complete again.”

“That will never…be the case after you’ve lost someone.”

“I want to try!” I burst without thinking.

My mother sits a bit straighter, stunned at my outburst.

“I want…I need…” I try to steady my breath. “Bridget…fills something in me I didn’t know needed filling until I went down there, and I realized how hollow I’ve been all these years.”

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