Page 133 of Until I Own You

I don’t even finish reading the message. I take the phone and whip it across the room before dropping my head onto my desk.

I don’t need more excuses from her.

Why doesn’t she understand if I can’t have her in the deepest way a man can, I can’t be around her? It will be too hard, too painful to know that I am not worth the leap.

I understand she’s scared. I’m scared too. But doesn’t the possibility of what lies on the other side of the fear intrigue her enough to at least try?

I love her.

Why didn’t I say that?

Before I understand what’s happening, I rise to my feet, grab my jacket, and walk out of my office.

My brain doesn’t know where I’m going. But my body does. And when my brain links up with my body, I realize what’s happening.

I’m going to my mother’s house.

I’m going to tell her.

And that way, Bridget won’t have to worry.

I’ll take the heat. I’ll bear the burden.

And then I can love her out loud.

My mother pours hot water into my cup.

I watch the tea bag erupt with redness through the water.

Who knew raspberry tea could look so violent?

“I’m so glad you stopped by today, honey.” She sits in the chair next to me at the kitchen table. She touches my wrist in such a tender way it makes me want to cry. “I haven’t seen you since your trip. I want to hear all about it.”

I take the string of my tea bag and bob it up and down, dispersing the redness more and more until the tea is all a beautiful ruby color. “It was good.”

“Yeah?”

I nod. I glance around the house. “Solomon is out, you said?”

“Yes, he’s at the office today. Just you and me,” she says with a gleeful bounce. “I’m so happy you showed up!”

My heart breaks, knowing I’m about to totally ruin her day.

She smiles down into her cup of tea, twists the cup on her saucer. She’s more patient than me, allowing the tea to steep before bobbing it up and down. “Was it nice to visit the old house?”

“Yeah, it was good.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

We are quiet for a few moments. Me bobbing the tea bag, her watching her tea.

“Was it difficult at all?” she asks.

“Mom.”

She bites her lower lip before finding the next thing to say. “I was surprised you wanted to go down there. I mean, I haven’t been ready, and it’s been–”

---