Page 3 of Until I Own You

She frowns. “Sure.”

Sonia and I have learned a lot about each other in the short time we’ve been friends, just shy of two years. I’d go as far as to say she’s my best friend.

There’s just one thing she doesn’t know about me.

I’m a virgin.

A textbook virgin.

At twenty-six, being a virgin sounds pretty pathetic. But I have my reasons.

And sure, I could “just get it over with” or hire a Dom and fulfill some of my fantasies. But every time I start to go down that path, something stops me. In my chest. A feeling that the choice I’m about to make isn’t right.

So, I’ve never gone there. Never crossed the bridge. I’m proud of myself for staying true to what I really want.

Still, though…I can’t help feeling like I’m lacking somehow. Like I’m almost immature in a sense since I’ve never been intimate with someone like that.

Is something wrong with me that I’ve never really fallen in love because I’m not lovable in that way?

If my father heard my thoughts right now about being unlovable he’d whip me right into shape, drench me in a deluge of compliments, tell me how proud he is of me.

But dads have to say that, right?

Anyway, I have to wonder, what if I never get that? What if I’m a virgin forever because I’m just too scared to take the plunge. Or what if I do and I’m not good enough? What if all I’ll ever have is a Dom that makes me submit for a scene, but has no interest in me? In my whole life.

Because this, for me, is about more than the pleasure the scene would bring. Inside, this need is constant. Everlasting. All-consuming. I need this dominance in my life twenty-four-seven.

But for now, I’ll just watch, and I’m okay with that because I have to hope that my time will come too and even this waiting period is part of my training process already. Teaching me patience. Teaching me to wait for my dues.

“Maybe someday,” I say.

Please be someday.

Otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll never know the deepest parts of me. The parts I haven’t allowed anyone to see. “When my dad doesn’t work at the club anymore. Maybe. Anyway, enough about me. How are you, Miss Bride?”

Sonia groans, putting her hands over her face. “God, don’t remind me.”

“It’s next weekend! You’re going to be reminded!”

She laughs, her amber eyes turning into mere slits as she does. “I know, I just can’t believe it’s real. Feels like just yesterday I was trying to avoid Edwin in the halls to keep from salivating over him.”

“Okay, ew.”

Edwin is the same age as my dad, and while I know some people have a taste for the much older and maybe wiser, that’s not me.

“You know what I mean…” Sonia rolls her eyes before they drift back to the scene before us.

The blonde sub is draped over the Dom’s lap as he pets her hair.

The aftercare looks like an amazing moment every time. The reward for being a good girl. I crave that too.

She sighs. “Life just changes so fast. One day, you’re running across the country to leave your past behind and the next you’re…”

“Marrying your boss?” I shrug.

She giggles. “Yes. Marrying my boss. Thanks for reminding me.”

I smile at Sonia with love. “Well, I’m excited.”

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