Page 123 of Until I Own You

Then, I look through the dying fire back at the ocean.

The godforsaken ocean.

It’s no wonder I crossed the boundary Bridget and I discussed as soon as I did. The second I set eyes on the beautiful terror of the ocean, I needed something to ground me.

Not something.

I needed her.

Needed something to tether me to this moment and time, not send me back all those years ago. Over a decade.

It’s been over a decade since I lost my dad.

Nearly fifteen years, actually.

And being down here, I am reminded of him at every turn. The cabinet of fishing gear that hasn’t been used all this time, his favorite anchor-printed napkins.

The ocean.

I thought I had gotten good at dealing with the grief, but being here has made me realize I never really dealt with the grief. I just put duct tape over its mouth and told it to shut the fuck up.

I never anticipated it would wriggle free of its binding and start yelling all the things I’ve needed to deal with since losing him.

I should have known that coming back here would dredge up all these feelings. But I thought maybe by being here with Bridget, I could rewrite the memories of the last time I was in Key West. Rewrite what this place means to me.

However, I haven’t been here with Bridget. Bridget is mine, yes. But if no one knows except me and her, is it even real?

I drop my head, clasp my hands together, and try to breathe.

We missed so much of life together, my dad and me. Missed out on making so many memories. Never saw the success of my company, will never see me fall in love, or have kids, or anything like that. And if I keep up my life of secrets, no one will ever know anything. No one will ever see how happy I am. Because for the first time in so long, I’m happy.

With Bridget in my life this way, I’m so goddamn happy.

And I’m tired of keeping secrets.

I’m not sure how long I sit outside listening to the surf cascading across the shore. Long enough to get my wits about me. Long enough to know what I have to do.

I let myself into Bridget’s room. She is my sub, but over the time we have spent together, she also became more. And I need her now.

Thankfully, she is awake, and I don’t scare her. She’s ready for bed, tucked under the covers, an e-reader in her hand.

“Seth…” she says in a soft voice upon my arrival.

Her collar is around her neck.

My insides warm to know she hasn’t taken it off.

I shut the door behind me. Tight. Lock it.

Bridget lifts herself onto her elbows.

Her thin nightgown hugs her breast so tight I can see her nipples pricking through the fabric.

“Do you need something?”

I came here to talk. Didn’t come here to dominate or to have her. I came here to tell her. Tell her what I need from her. Although this need is not related to our training. This need is so much more than that.

“Are you okay?” Her dark brows furrow.

---