Page 62 of After All This Time

“What?”

“Do you miss your dad?”

“Didn’t we cover this already?”

“You never answered it.”

I exhale. “Of course I miss him. I miss him every single day. Doesn’t matter how much time passes by, I will always miss him.”

He smiles. “Does it get any easier? Coping with the loss of a parent, I mean.”

“I can’t answer that. For me, I have days where I’m totally fine. And I have days where I just wallow in my anxiety.” I breathe out. “You know how you said I can talk to you about anything?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I want you to be able to talk to me about anything, too.” I look deep into his ocean blue eyes. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“You don’t even want to know.”

“Try me,” I say as I lean back.

“Just warning you. It’s fucking scary in there.” He points to his head.

“Trust me, I’m used to scary things.” I tilt my head. “Talk to me.”

“Okay. I’ve lost my grandparents on both sides. And I thought that shit hurt, and it did. But this it’s a different kind of hurt. It feels like someone stabbed me with a really sharp knife fifty times in a row.” He pauses for a moment. “I thought Dad would see me graduate and get my degree. Be there when I release my debut. Be at my wedding. But he won’t be.” He gets all choked up, his eyes filling up with tears.

Without a second thought, I scoot closer to him and wrap my arms around him.

An embrace that feels so personal and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never hugged Noah before, so this feels foreign and yet so right.

He wraps his arms tightly around my torso.

My palms make circular motions on his muscular back. My hand makes its way up to his dirty blonde hair.

Wow, his hair is so fucking soft.

I’m starting to get the impression this is getting way too intimate.

Noah doesn’t seem too bothered by any of it though which is interesting. The crying subsides, but his grip on me grows even tighter.

It’s almost as if he doesn’t want to let me go.

What if I don’t want him to let me go? What the hell is happening to me?

I can’t move.

My body is frozen in time.

His pain is permeating through me like water when it comes into contact with sand.

“I’m going to tell you this because you need to hear it.” I loosen my grip on him. He backs up, so he can look me in the eyes. “Lizzie’s going to make it through this. And I’m not just saying that to say it. She’s one of the strongest people I know. She’s not going to give up without a fight.”

His eyes are glassy all while he smiles at me.

Butterflies are multiplying in my stomach. My chest is rising and falling. My heart is beating like the sound of a thousand drums.

He’s never looked at me that way before during such a calm, intimate moment. We’ve never had these kinds of moments when we were growing up. All of the moments we had together usually consisted of shouting and swearing.

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