Page 146 of After All This Time

My feet are heavy.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Fuck, I had to open my big mouth about Noah’s anxiety. And I completely invalidated my own.

This shit sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

Ending up in front of my bedroom, I attempt to make it inside, and fail spectacularly, might I add.

I fall onto the floor and I see Noah rush over to me.

He sits down next to me and stretches his arm out, wrapping it around my shoulder. He moves his hand onto my back, rubbing gentle circular motions.

My lips are dry until my tears moisten them. My hands are violently shaking. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it could explode out of my chest any second now.

I’m panting like an animal who just went out to hunt for its prey.

I hate that he’s seeing me like this.

God, I hate myself more for exploding at him the way I did.

He didn’t deserve that.

My head nuzzles into the nape of his neck, his arms are fully enclosing around me. He’s warm and gooey like freshly baked cookies that just came out of the oven.

When I give into his touch, my anxiety begins to evaporate into the thin air that surrounds us. The way his skin feels against mine is enough for me to catch my breath and make me realize I’m safe. It’s all because I’m with him.

His silence isn’t deafening.

It’s comforting.

I shut my eyes, finally gaining the ability to breathe again.

“Can you talk, Sunshine?” he asks me sweetly.

I open my eyes. “I-I think…so. Aren’t you going to a-ask me…what happened?”

“You get brain fog too? I thought it was just me. Do you know what just happened?” His tone is kind and patient as he pays close attention to my facial expressions and body language.

This is the face of a guy I’ve fallen deeply in love with.

“Brain fog? I didn’t know it had a name.” I struggle to get a chuckle out, but it eventually comes out.

He runs into the living room to grab the tissue box and hands it to me. “Dani, I’m sorry. I had no right to assume I knew everything about your relationship with my dad. I know we’ve already established this, but I was an asshole back then. I really was. I was living in my own perfect world where I didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything. Fuck, I wish I was there for you when you lost your dad. I’m so angry at myself. For not being there for you. For not providing you with the comfort you’ve been providing me.”

Lifting my head out of Noah’s neck, my eyes meet his. “There has always been a part of me that wished you came to my rescue the day my dad passed away. That you were the one holding me and listening to sad music with me. If you were there to hold my hand and help me with my panic attacks.” I take a moment to collect myself. “We can always wonder about these things. We can be angry with ourselves. There are so many things we both wish that we did, but I’m just happy to be here with you. Right now.”

He looks down at me and plasters a cute smile on his face. “Let me be here for you now. You’re going to be stuck with me for a long ass time, Solomon.”

All of this got me thinking about something I’ve secretly known for a long time.

I smile down at the floor before meeting Noah’s gaze. “You know how people say home isn’t a place, it’s a person?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re my home. You may be my moonlight, but there’s no doubt in my mind that sunlight runs through your veins because of the way you radiate this gentle and loving warmth. There’s no other way to explain the way I feel when I’m with you, except that it feels like I’m coming home. To you.”

My words take him by surprise because he’s speechless.

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