Page 51 of Stepping Up

“I know,” I muttered, taking a long sip of beer. “But what if she doesn’t choose us? What if she decides she doesn’t want this life?”

Logan placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Then we’ll deal with it. But until then, we have to have faith in her, and in us, too.”

I nodded, the words sinking in. Logan was right, as usual. We had done all we could. It was up to Carly now to decide if she wanted to be brave, to embrace the life we wanted to build together.

“I just want her to be happy,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

Logan gave me a knowing look. “I know, Nate. We all do. That’s why I don’t want her to keep working at Forge.”

“You’re firing her?” I exclaimed, sitting up too quickly in my sudden burst of anger and making my head spin.

Logan rolled his eyes. “Sit down, drunkard. It’s just that I’m accepting that no matter how much Forge fulfills me, it’s not for everybody. And being a fucking waitress or even a manager could never make her happy the way photography does.”

I nodded in agreement, a sense of determination swelling within me. “She’s so brave in so many ways, but not at all when it comes to her fucking dreams. I kinda feel like… we need to give her that strength, if we can. Make her feel safe enough to just fuckin’ go for it, y’know?” I was babbling, but Logical Logan was nodding like I made perfect sense, so it couldn’t have been too bad.

“Exactly. We need to show her that we believe in her, that we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make her dreams a reality.”

I felt a surge of gratitude toward Logan, a sense of relief washing over me. Maybe we had been going about this the wrong way all along, but now Logan had an idea, and I knew he would do everything in his power to make it work. My big brother was a lot of things, but powerless and pathetic wasn’t his bag—hell, it wasn’t mine, either. I just needed his help, a good push in the right direction, to get myself back into the groove.

“You got your computer around?” Logan asked, standing up like he was on a mission. “I need to write something out. For Carly.”

Oh, hell yeah. Suddenly, even my sad whiskey was giving me hope.

32

CARLY

The past few days had been a blur of avoidance and uncertainty, my thoughts consumed by the weight of the ultimatum Nate had given me, the silence I’d had from Logan and Bennett ever since, too. At Forge, I’d tried to keep busy, staying as far from Nate and Logan as possible to save myself some heartache. Bennett was busy with his new job, so he’d been around the house less often, too. That was a valid reason, but I got the sense that he was also trying to give me some space. Maybe he needed space from me, too, after I’d hurt him.

It was safe to say I was just going through the motions. The time was passing in a slow molasses blur as I just tried to carry on, numb to the world. But with Ella, there was no escaping reality, no just scraping by, no phoning it in. She was the bright light in my life through all of this, and I couldn't let my own turmoil taint our relationship in the slightest.

We sat together at the dinner table, just us two for the first time in… well, since my mom first went on the vacation that changed everything for our family. I listened carefully as she recounted the highlights of her school week, but my inability to concentrate out of sadness and fear and whatever else was clouding my stupid heart-brain made it so I zoned out for a moment until I heard a familiar name.

“Where’s Doctor Ben, Mama? Didn’t he want to have dinner with us?” Her sweet face was a little sad at the prospect of Bennett avoiding her, and it broke my heart.

"I’m sure he wanted to,” I said at first.

“Is he mad at me?” She started to sniffle, and I reached across the table for her hand, wrapping her small warmth in both of mine.

“No, baby! No, of course not,” I hurried to reassure her. “He’s just… busy with his new job.”

“And Logan and Nate?” she asked. I swallowed hard.

“They’re busy, too.”

“Too busy to have dinner?” she asked incredulously, and I should have known a pretty lie wouldn’t be enough to fool my whip-smart daughter.

“Well, there’s something else, too,” I began, my voice trembling slightly. Honesty was the best policy, right? That was what I always told her, anyway. "Bennett, Logan, Nate and I… we had a fight. Nothing about you, and it’s nothing you did. But I think they don’t want to have dinner with me right now, which is why they haven’t been around the past couple of days.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, and I could see the confusion flicker across her face. "A fight? About what?"

“Grownup stuff, baby,” I said with a wince, knowing how much she hated that excuse. “But they all still love you just as much. You’re so, so special to them.”

“They’re special to me,” she said quietly, poking at the food on her plate with a sad, downturned expression.

All of a sudden, it dawned on me that I’d been keeping a huge secret from her. That now felt like the right time to tell her the truth. I took a drink of water to swallow down the nerves creeping up my throat, and I did it. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. “Ella, baby. I need to tell you something about Doctor Ben, if that’s okay. You know how I told you that you need a mama and a daddy to have a baby?”

She nodded, her brow scrunching as she looked up at me.

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