Page 70 of The Pucking Grump

She stayed on the couch last night.

I twist on the bed, an emptiness gnawing at me. Something has changed between us, and I have to deal with it.

For one, we will never have sex again. Never going to do anything that might make her get more silly ideas in her head.

Closing my eyes, my mind goes straight to her words.

I love you, Blake.

It sounded so simple. And yet, hearing her say it felt like things were getting real complicated, real fast.

Why did she have to ruin things?

And why did I let things go that far?

Less than two months ago, I was on this bed, twisting and turning while Faye’s perfect body lay beside me. Even while enduring the sweet, slow torture night after night, I had my head on straight. I knew that I could never touch her.

And then my resolve flew out the window. She became a drug I couldn’t get enough of.

I’ve started to accept that I’ll never be fully over Faye Strummer, how crazy she drives me, and I am fine with that.

But falling in love is an entirely different ballpark. That, I’m not going to allow.

Self-hatred burning within me, I swing my legs off the bed. The last thing I want to do is see Faye right now, to look at the pain in her huge green eyes and apologize. To deal with still wanting her even after her outburst.

I have no choice, though. I was right last night. We have to figure out a compromise that works for both of us. Because, damn it, I still want to help her.

I stride out of the room, unsure of what to expect. I’ll find a way to be fine with any reaction that’s short of weeping or wailing. I brace myself as I approach the couch, only to see . . .

Nothing.

Faye isn’t here. Her bag, guitar, and notepad are gone. A quick peek outside the cabin door reveals that her car is not here anymore either.

I crash on the couch, mingled feelings of both relief and emptiness burning inside me. I’m glad we don’t have to do the morning after, but I’m aware that it’s only going to be more awkward the next time we see each other. Also, a tiny part of me feels an insane sense of loss.

Don’t be dumb, I tell myself. The more I think about Faye’s love admission, the more I’m trying to persuade myself that she didn’t really mean it. Emotions were high last night. We’d also just had sex.

She’s probably going to get over it in a couple of days.

My cell pings with a text, and I reach for it, wondering if it’s her. But it’s only Ken.

Emergency practice at noon. You coming in soon?

I reply in the affirmative, almost relieved. I looked forward to unwinding this weekend, but I’m glad I don’t have to stay by myself and ruminate over Faye all day.

I shower and dress within minutes. Then I close up the cabin. Faye has a key of her own, but even if she didn’t, I highly doubt she’ll want to come back here.

Within a few hours, I’m pulling into the Philly Titans’ complex in the heart of Philly. My teammates are in the changing room, not looking too pleased about their day off being taken away at the last minute.

“You look well rested,” Ken says when he spots me.

I don’t need to think too long to realize that he’s being sarcastic. Last night was nothing short of hellish.

“Hey, Blake.” Luke brushes past me. “Now I don’t want you threatening to murder me or whatever, but I’ve got to ask this question. If not, my girl’s literally going to break up with me. Can we get tickets for Faye’s show in New York next month?”

Of course. Barely two seconds in, and her name has already come up.

I switch to the default mode of a happy boyfriend. “Pretty sure it’s all sold out.” It’s hard to force those words out casually. How did I convince myself that I was getting more comfortable with this charade?

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