Page 59 of Rookie Recovery

I shrugged because we had talked about it, and whenever we did, Jamie always managed to find the right words. The salve to my worries.

“The guys will forget about me,” I whined.

“You’ll still be there at training camp. Just … not playing. And you’ll see them tonight.”

I huffed and rolled the chair backwards. Aaron had been planning this last big blow-out for ages now. A chance for us all to let off residual steam before the serious things began. Training camp, preseason, regular season, tournaments, playoffs, where we wouldn’t likely get the opportunity.

But I couldn’t go tonight. For two reasons.

One, because it would just serve as another reminder of everything I was missing out on. And how much I’d have to do to catch up to the guys.

And two, because I had no self fucking control.

I couldn’t have a couple of drinks and stop at that. I’d be chugging back shot after shot until someone drove me home in an ambulance if I thought for one second it would make them like me more.

“I’m not going tonight,” I said.

“Aaron’s pulling rank. You have to go.” Jamie’s lip curved into the faintest smile.

“You got the same text?”

“I think he hit up everyone in his contacts.”

Highly likely. That sounded exactly like something golden-boy Aaron would do.

“So, you going?” I asked Jamie.

“Oh, God, no. Not my sort of thing. Plus, I’m not … a player. So, what’s the real reason you don’t want to go tonight?”

“I already told you.”

I was this close to turning the chair around to the filing cabinets.

Jamie scratched the back of his head, slid his eyebrows into his hairline, sucked at his teeth. I wouldn’t give in, though. Wouldn’t tell him the real reason.

“Is it because of what happened last time?”

Damn him.

“Yes. Alright?”

“You’re worried you’ll lose control and end up puking in the street with Katie rubbing your back?”

I picked at the loose threads on my jeans. So, that had been Katie, had it?

Jamie said nothing. Again, he waited for me to fill the silence. I hated how well he knew me already.

“I just don’t seem to realise when I’m being too extra. I don’t know when enough is enough,” I said, my voice quiet, and getting quieter with each word. “I just want people to like me.”

Jamie’s hand slid off the desk. “Oh, Bowie.” From the look in his eyes, I thought he might reach out and stroke my cheek. “You know that’s not … People like … You’re …”

He was quiet for a while, and this time I didn’t have any words to fill the space.

“Okay, I’ll come with you. Tonight. I promised you you wouldn’t miss out on anything. I keep my word, Bowman, and I’ll make sure you don’t lose control and drink too much,” he said eventually.

“What?” Why, though? Why change his mind so quickly? “Really? Because, like, it might be fun. You hate fun. Also, I’m impossible.”

He laughed. “Yes, really. And I know. Believe me.”

---