Page 149 of The Perfect Mistake

I look back at her. “But that doesn’t mean I’ll be able to make her happy in return.”

“Has she told you that?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I say. My voice hardens as I lay out the bitter truth. “Con, the facts aren’t great. I’m fifteen years her senior. She’s in a transitional phase right now, and she could go anywhere. Take any job, see any city, travel. Study. She might want to go to college now. The last thing I want is to hold her back. The alternative… If she chooses to stay with me, she’ll effectively be a stepmother, Connie. She might be your sister-in-law.”

Connie nods slowly, her face serious. “Yes. I’ve thought about that too.”

I nod back. Thank God for my sister, and her logical, forward-thinking brain. We’re cut entirely from the same cloth.

“As for the sister-in-law thing, I think we’d both love it. Don’t worry about that. Her being a stepmother, however… I don’t know if that is what she wants.” Connie’s eyes turn curious. “But have you asked her how she feels about all of this?”

“Yes.”

She nods. Curves her mouth into a wry smile. “All right. But have you really asked her?”

I narrow my eyes at her, and a suspicion takes hold. I’m certain I’m right. “You’ve spoken to her.”

“Yes, we met up on Friday.”

“What did she say?”

“Well, what she said is between the two of us,” Connie says. “Just like what you and I talk about stays between us.”

I glare at her. “Con.”

She shakes her head. “Doesn’t matter how much you stare at me, I won’t budge on this. But I can tell you that you’re not necessarily on the same page about this.”

I throw up my hands. “She says it doesn’t matter, all the obstacles between us, but I know they do. How can I put it all on her, knowing how heavy it’ll be to carry?”

“You need to trust that she wants you enough to handle it,” Connie says.

I shake my head slowly. It sounds like an impossible order. Trusting her isn’t an issue. It’s the idea of having her… and losing her. Of seeing her kind eyes turn apologetic, or pulling away.

It’s about her leaving my life.

“Didn’t you make this calculation before, with Victoria?” she asks.

I grip the back of the chair again, my hands tightening around the frame. The words are easy to think. They’re harder to say out loud, to confess to someone, especially someone who knew Vicky.

“It wasn’t like this before,” I say.

The admission seems to amplify in the quiet room, expanding against the window glass and filling the voids of the built-in bookshelves. It’s getting harder to breathe. Guilt is an acidic taste in my stomach. But my words are the truth.

That’s why I don’t know how to handle it.

Connie’s face softens. “Oh.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t love Victoria. I did. We were a great fit. She was funny, and ambitious, and we wanted the same things. Came from the same world.” I shake my head. “We were a team. I loved her, and losing her was… It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“I know what you mean,” she says quietly. “I saw you together.”

This with Isabel isn’t as straightforward, and it’s not something I planned, not the way Victoria and I were. Isabel took me by surprise. Caught me off guard… and she’s made me feel alive again.

I look back outside Connie’s window, my gaze landing on an office building in the far distance. I can just barely make out the people, dozens and dozens of them, at their desks. Each is framed by a pane of glass.

“I need Isabel. And I don’t know what I would do, how I could go on if I ever lost her.”

Connie gives a slow nod. “I wish I could tell you that’ll never happen. It’s my instinct, but I know that’s not… well, true.”

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