Page 115 of The Perfect Mistake

I drain the last of my drink on the way and grab a new one. Something with a sprig of rosemary in a frosted glass, courtesy of the bartender Gabriel and Connie have hired for the night. It’s strong.

Todd is indeed nice. He’s about my height, with curly brown hair and warm eyes. I chatted with him for a bit when I realize that Connie has quietly disappeared, slipping away into the crowd. I spot her sitting next to Gabriel by the poker table. He has his hand on her knee and is whispering something in her ear.

A pang goes through me. That’s what I want. It hits me with painful clarity that this party could be so different from what it is. That could be me and Alec, but he’s made it clear it won’t be.

That it never will be.

“So where do you work?” Todd asks.

I handle the question as well as I can, and he responds the way everyone does. Eyebrows raised at the mention of professional ballerina, and then an understanding smile when I mention hip injury and early retirement.

He’s easy to talk to. Nice, too. Judging from the way he’s watching me, and me alone, he’s interested.

I drain my second drink too.

It feels like I’m flirting, and it feels wrong. But it’s not like I’m taken. On the contrary, I’ve never been less attached than I am right now. To a job, a city, to a man. Just sex, he’d said. And if Alec isn’t going to be with me, then I shouldn’t keep nurturing my little crush on him, either.

Even if it doesn’t feel so little anymore.

Across the room, I notice Connie watching us. She gives me a happy little smile. Great job, it says.

She’s already helped me with a job after the ballet company dropped me, and now this party, introducing me to everyone under the sun. She means well, and I’m so grateful she’s in my life.

But I’m also tired of being the one in need of people’s help.

I used to be a woman with a mission, every day. Wake up at dawn, dance till my feet hurt, perform every single evening. I was driven. Now, I’ve just driven off a cliff.

Todd puts a hand on my arm. “Looks like you could use another drink.”

I look at my empty one for a long second, but then I smile up at him. “You know what? That’s a great idea. Have you seen the terrace, by the way?”

He brightens. “No, I haven’t. Want to show me around?”

“My pleasure,” I say.

I’m hyperaware of him next to me as we walk through the party. Emerge on the terrace. As we talk, in full view of all the partygoers inside, and when he notices I’m cold… I even let him drape his jacket over my shoulders.

I feel numb.

Listening to what he says, engaging in the conversation, even smiling, but inside I don’t feel anything at all. There’s a shocking absence of it, of all the emotions I’ve been battling since my conversation with Alec last night.

We’ve been speaking for almost twenty minutes when I excuse myself to use the restroom. “I’ll be right back,” I tell Todd.

He smiles at me. It’s an uncomplicated smile, an I’ll be waiting smile, and I want so badly to want someone like him. Someone who isn’t complex and brooding and afraid of commitment.

Someone who wants me too.

I weave my way through the partygoers, reaching the hallway that leads to a guest bathroom.

Alec grabs my hand.

He pulls me into the darkened corridor, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed. “You’re flirting with someone now?”

“Well, it’s not like you’re receptive to flirting,” I shoot back. “You made that clear.”

He frowns. “That’s not what I said.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what you said.”

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