Page 86 of Caught in the Middle

It wasn’t until she was sitting in a room filled with friendly and inspiring people, their smiling and eager faces over what was to come, a moment that should’ve felt like the beginning of a new start, that Emma realized how alone she felt in this world.

As one of the coordinators was speaking, all she could do was stare off into space and question the decisions that brought her there. For the first time in her life, she understood what people were talking about when they emphasized it doesn’t matter how great your life was if there was no one to share it with. She used to roll her eyes at that. But now she knew. Now she realized.

They weren’t saying a person needed to settle down or partner up. They simply meant that neither the journey nor the destination was worth it if everyone who cared and loved you had been pushed away.

Before she knew what she was doing, that conference room grew quiet as she stood up in the middle of the speech. She didn’t want to be there. Her heart wasn’t in it. Her goals didn’t include having her name in a fancy publication. And she knew it was her last chance to make things right, give herself the life she wanted versus the one she thought she should want.

So she did the unthinkable. She said no, made the arrangements necessary so that they could get her replaced, and she left. She couldn’t get on a flight back home until Tuesday, and she needed to go there first. Her suitcase held all the wrong things for the next trip she needed.

By Wednesday, her bravery started to waiver, especially with that voicemail playing over and over in her head. However, she knew how she needed to move forward.

It was now Thursday. And when she finally saw her luggage on the baggage carousel earlier, stashed away her phone and Cam’s voicemail with it, she had made her way to the apartment in front of her. She took a deep inhale and knocked.

Whenever the door swung up, a very surprised Lauren stood in front of her, but the shock quickly turned into a look of relief and Emma didn’t think twice as she lunged forward and hugged the woman tight.

Family. She was part of her family, and she wouldn’t let pride, shame, guilt, or any ugly fight keep that from being true.

Chapter 31

Exhausted. That was how Emma was feeling. Physically and emotionally exhausted. The past twenty-four hours had been a rollercoaster ride mentally from the moment she knocked on Lauren’s door to the point of hugging Lulu goodbye this morning.

Yet she felt better, even if she looked forward to sleeping on this next flight. She looked out the window, wondering how long it would be before the flight attendants began their announcements and the airplane made its way to the take-off strip. She let out a sigh, noticing the person seated next to her looked ready to grab a nap too.

As fellow passengers continued to make their way to their seats, placing their carry-ons in the compartments overheard, Emma’s thoughts roamed back to her conversations with Lauren and Asher, then Lulu, then Henry.

She’d been terrified that Lauren would slam the door in her face, but the moment their eyes met, it had been like looking in a mirror. She had as much regret over her words and insults as Emma did. They’d both spent plenty of time apologizing and reassuring the other that they hadn’t meant what they said. Emma had even apologized to Asher for the insults to their relationship, the shame over being that kind of person to suggest such things still lingering. Lauren had admitted she’d panicked over her surprise wedding plans not going as planned, especially for them to fall apart the morning of, and that she’d been saying anything and everything to try and retain what control she could.

It turned out that they decided not to proceed with the wedding. Lauren didn’t know when they would do it, or if she should stick with the public affair for her audience, but she said it didn’t feel right to do it without Emma by her side. Lulu, too. Emma had teared up, saying she’d be honored.

They’d insisted on her staying for the night, but she explained she was on a tight schedule and still needed to speak with Lulu and Henry. Thankfully, the former insisted on meeting her at the latter’s house, suggesting it would be easier on Emma. However, both women knew that Henry always made the best dinners. With a phone call for a heads up, the delicious aroma of steak welcomed her through the front door. She had almost considered ringing the bell, then shook that ridiculous thought from her head and pulled out her key to let herself in. It’d always been her home too, even whenever she left Dallas for college, and it still was.

The three of them enjoyed the delicious meal, making small talk about their weeks until Lulu finally brought up why Emma wasn’t headed halfway across the world. She divulged the details, noticing no one asked about or mentioned Cam. After dinner, Henry made a point to excuse himself, stating he had some stuff to take care of real quick. In reality, she knew he’d been giving her and Lulu some privacy to talk.

Naturally, she’d told them both how sorry she was the moment she’d seen them, but they’d waved it off. She had decided to enjoy the dinner, knowing the time to talk would come later. As she and Lulu got comfortable in the sitting room, Lulu having snagged a box of snack cakes from the pantry first, she opened it and tossed Emma one. She’d gladly accepted, feeling like old times with her best friend.

However, that carefree atmosphere quickly grew tense as the conversation turned more serious about the underlying issues that propelled Lulu and Emma to get mad at each other over breakfast on vacation. It wasn’t surprising to her that they had more to talk about because whereas she and Lauren had said hateful comments to hurt one another, Emma had been inconsiderate in the role she’d asked her best friend to take in between the people she cared most about. It was a realization she’d had after her aunt left her apartment back in North Carolina. Emma had never stopped to consider what her actions would mean for Lulu.

Even with the conversations that needed to take place, the self-accountability, apologies, and even Lulu admitting she’d felt guilty for allowing herself to go along with it whenever she knew Lauren’s secret and then Emma’s, they were able to end their evening together in smiles and hugs. Whereas Lulu acknowledged she knew they’d be fine, Emma had feared things only turning worse and losing the people she cared about.

Eventually, her friend asked about Cam, admitting they’d chatted on Monday. Emma’s heart ached at his name, at knowing he had felt guilty about his part in her scheming. Yet, she wasn’t surprised that he’d been able to acknowledge and own up to his wrongdoings faster than her. That he’d made amends while she was still trying to figure it all out. Lulu had given her hand a caring squeeze and a reassuring tidbit about knowing they would work it out if she wanted to. She decided not to go down that road, not ready to have more people than necessary watching her heart shatter if things didn’t go well.

Whenever Lulu left to get home for a long day at work Friday, Emma went to find Henry, who was in his office looking over something on his laptop. He quickly welcomed her in, making a point to power off the device and clear his desk of paperwork. She had smiled, aware of how he’d always given all three of them his full attention whenever they’d wanted to talk to him.

She had been dreading owning up to her actions to Henry the worse but in a different way than her friends. He’d opened his house to her, always had a place at their table, and had even been like a father figure her entire life. But she had been willing to throw all that away in the heat of the moment, to insinuate all of his generosity and love had been nothing more than a conditional sort of line in the sand. She’d tried so hard to ignore the emotions that ate at her, ignoring how it must’ve felt like a slap in the face to someone willing to take her in as his own, but it caught up with her. She had so much to say to him.

However, he’d caught her by surprise whenever he started the conversation first, stating matter of factly that no daughter of his was allowed to apologize for being human and saying things she didn’t mean. He insisted everyone was allowed to make mistakes and say things they regret. She was crying before he finished, ignoring his statement as she promised she didn’t mean to insult all the good he’d brought to her life and apologized profusely for lying and taking them all for granted.

Henry gave her a reassuring smile and chuckled as he’d said that it was precisely what made them all a normal family, the fact that they knew where their words would cut deepest and how to land a verbal blow. Then he’d shook his head as she’d cringed with acknowledgment of how she’d done just that. “It’s not what we say, but what we do afterward that matters,” he’d said. “And confronting it head-on so that you don’t lose the people you love says more than any insulting comment.”

She had wiped her tears, a small smile forming. “And what about lying?” she had asked. “I’d say that action says a lot about me.”

He only chuckled. “I think you’re already dealing with enough punishment from that on your own account.” He looked at her with those all-knowing eyes. “Speaking of which, I talked to Cam on Monday.”

She tossed her arms up in the air. “Come on,” she said exasperatedly. “Did he have to beat me to it to everyone?” she groaned, causing Henry to laugh.

“He’s a good man.”

“Were you mad? Or are you, I should be asking,” she corrected.

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