Page 45 of Lethal Truths

Prudence

I wake long before my brain wants to. I’d rather sleep for days, weeks actually, just so I don’t have to think about the last several days of my life. It’s like the universe is out to get me, laughing each time I’m hit with another near-fatal blow. I’m bleeding out now, weakened by each strike, and unsure if I’m willing to push myself back up.

Yesterday rushes back to me and I blink my groggy eyes open and stare at the white ceiling. The phone call. The pills and the bathtub. Finding a split second of relief from my pain before panic set in, but a moment later, it was too late. I hadn’t wanted to die. I wasn’t lying when I told Creed and the others that. I’m just not sure if I’m strong enough to keep living like this, either.

Seeing the raw terror in Griffin’s eyes, the shock and hurt in Creed’s, and the outrage in Asher’s helped, somehow. Each of them, no matter how much pain they’ve inflicted, had been frightened when they found me. And despite the bad blood between us, seeing that in their expressions reminded me that maybe I do have something to keep fighting for. People to keep fighting against, in Asher’s regard.

“You’re awake,” a hushed voice rumbles beside me before a strong arm curls over my stomach and pulls me close. My lashes flutter closed as I breathe in Creed’s clean, fresh scent.

Turning into his warm body, I find the courage to look into his troubled brown eyes. “I’m awake,” I repeat softly, because I can’t find the right words to say to him yet.

Creed frowns at me, searching my expression. “You almost left me again. You can’t keep doing this to me, Ember. My heart won’t be able to take it any longer,” he whispers brokenly.

My eyes well with tears, but I try my best to blink them away. Flattening my hand over his heart, I say, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking, I was just… hurting. I still hurt. So damn much... My mom is gone, Creed. What am I supposed to do? How do I keep moving forward after this?”

He swallows, gripping my hand over his chest and tangling our fingers together. “I’m sorry, baby. I know that pain well. My parents died when I was young, and I know how suffocating it feels in the aftermath. It’s debilitating, and you want to run from it anyway you know how, but you know what I learned?”

I shake my head, sending a single tear free.

“It’s easier to bear when you let someone in, let them help you through the grief. So next time, you come to me. For everything, you can come to me. If you’re hurting, I want to hurt. If you’re angry, I’ll rage with you. If you’re happy, I’m euphoric. If you’re so beyond broken that you can’t sort through the rubble, then come to me, baby, so I can piece you back together myself. Hit me, yell at me, kiss me, fuck me, whatever you need to do, my body is yours for the taking.” He licks his lips, his eyes taking on a dark edge. “Just like your body is mine, Prudence. Your heart and your fire, they’re mine. Don’t try to take that from me again unless you plan on taking me to the grave with you.”

My bruised heart beats for him, for his words and passion and possession. I’m past trying to reason with myself over why I shouldn’t or can’t love this wild, dangerous man. I’m done trying to make sense of the way he makes me feel, even after the horrible things he’s done. With my mom… with her gone, I can’t go through another loss. I’ll be damned if I lose Creed, too.

Cupping his face, I lean in until our noses are almost touching, and close my eyes. “I promise,” I say, my voice weak and broken.

Creed pulls me in closer, our chests pressed together as he kisses my forehead. “You’ll get through this, Ember. I’ll make sure of it.”

“I know you will. You’ll fight all my monsters for me. That’s why I love you,” I whisper in response. His muscles go stiff against me. Opening my eyes, I’m greeted by Creed’s wide eyes and slightly slack jaw. “What?”

He licks his lips, gently nudging my nose with his. “Say that again,” he rasps, a small smile curling up his lips.

A sad, tired smile takes over my face in return. “I know it’s not the right time, and what happened yesterday, I… I’m broken, maybe irreparably. But after everything I’ve endured, I realize I can’t keep waiting for the right moment, because it could be taken from me. So…” I press a sweet, lingering kiss to his lips. “I love you, Creed.”

“I love you, Prudence,” he breathes in awe, his eyes bright as they hold my gaze.

Snuggling against him, I take a deep breath, trying to quell the urge to cry all over again. My mind is a wretched mess, my heart is in blackened tatters in my chest, and my body is too weak to take another blow. But even knowing all of that, I’m acutely aware of all the shit going on with The Celestials still. I don’t have time to dwell, to linger on my loss. I have to forget it, just for now, and then hope when I can come back to it, it doesn’t shatter me so badly a second time. “What’s going to happen now?” I ask, trying to steel my voice.

Creed smooths his hand over my head, tenderly running his fingers through my hair. “Now, you lie here in my arms and feel whatever you need to feel. Fall apart if you have to. Take all the time you need, Prudence, and I’ll hold you together.”

And even though I’m trying to be strong, to keep pushing, Creed’s words unlock something inside me. I do just that; break in his arms, relying on this dangerous man to keep me afloat. It’s as if I needed to hear those exact words before I could let myself sink into my grief completely. With Creed beside me, I’m not worried that I’ll lose myself in it like I did yesterday. He’ll pull me back from the edge if he needs to. And then he’ll stand by me when I’m done and he’ll allow me to forget all about this weak moment. He’ll be strong, and that will help me feel strong.

Hours later, I’m waking from a fitful nap. I had cried myself to sleep in Creed’s arms, and then I dreamt of my mom. It was like a slideshow of our lives, the good times and the bad, and it pained me when I opened my eyes and remembered that she’s not here anymore.

As I’m lying on my side, numb and cold from the inside out, Creed walks into his room. I hadn’t even realized he wasn’t in bed with me. He smiles sadly at me, coming to sit on the edge of the bed, and brushes my hair out of my face.

“I’m surprised you left me alone,” I say. I meant it to sound like a joke, but my voice is too raw from all the sobbing I’ve been doing.

“I only left to use the bathroom. How are you doing?”

I chew on my lip while I mull over my feelings. I consider lying, but why? “Not good,” I answer quietly. I’m all cried out and I really don’t want to think about my loss anymore right now. The danger of our lives is still very much present at the front of my mind. I got a good day to cry and feel, and now I need to bury it all until I can have another secure moment to breathe. “We’re not safe here, are we? The Celestials will come for me again. For all of us if they realize you guys are helping me.”

Creed nods, his expression hardening. “I’m sure Asher and Griffin came up with a plan as soon as they saw you dry and asleep yesterday.”

Hearing Griffin’s name jars back another memory. With a small gasp, I lean up and look into Creed’s confused eyes. “He spoke to me,” I say, remembering the deep, rough tone of his voice. “Didn’t he?” I ask, unsure if it’s a false memory. Maybe my brain made it up to try and distract me from everything else that had happened yesterday.

Creed’s smile is soft and knowing. “He did. First time since his attack,” he answers. “I know things are rocky between you two, but Griffin cares about you, Prudence. Probably as much as I do. Maybe you can talk to him and work things out?”

When I was being held by The Celestials, hadn’t I wished more than anything that I had tried to smooth things over with Griffin? In the face of my death, I hated the way we left our relationship. But now that I’m not in that situation, my nerves and doubt are rising again.

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