Page 43 of Lethal Truths

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Asher

She almost died, again. But this time, it was by her own hand, and I don’t know how to feel. A couple of months ago, I may have felt relieved. If she was willing to do the job herself, it meant I didn’t have to sully myself quite so badly. But now, as I picture her pale face in that tub, I want to vomit.

It doesn’t feel right anymore. Watching her tip over that edge little by little, knowing once she falls, she’ll never truly recover. Maybe she’s already too far gone.

She’s been sleeping in Creed’s room for hours. Once she calmed down in Griffin’s lap, she all but passed out. Her eyes, red-rimmed and wet, could barely stay open and her body was loose and slack in Griffin’s hold. He carefully got to his feet, holding her tight, and then walked her into Creed’s room, with my cousin on his ass like he was worried Griffin might drop her. I stood in the open doorway while Griffin and Creed worked together to get warm, dry clothes on Prudence before tucking her under Creed’s black sheets. Creed climbed in after her, wrapped her in his arms, and they both fell into a deep sleep within seconds.

Afterwards, Griffin pulled me into the hallway and told me what Prudence had whispered to him. Well, he signed it to me, which I tried not to feel defeated about. Hearing his voice earlier was like a lightning bolt through my chest. I’d missed the rough, deep cadence more than I even realized. But either he’s not ready to fully open up in that way, or he’s just not willing to speak to me.

But he kissed me the other day. He initiated that. Which has to mean he’s not pushing me away still, right?

I’m pacing my room, nearly pulling out my hair, when I hear a soft thud coming from the hall. I’m so fucked up about Prudence, I rush to my door, desperate to see her out there. Maybe she’s already feeling better? But when I throw open my door, it’s not a little redhead I find. It’s a giant, drunk guy with devastating eyes and long, curly hair.

Griffin is standing outside Creed’s room, no doubt there to make sure Prudence is alright. He’s got a bottle of whiskey in his hand and the smell of booze slams into me from my open door. When he lifts his eyes to meet my gaze, all I see is my closest friend in need of someone to hold some of the weight he carries.

“Griff,” I rasp, scrubbing my hand through my hair. “Are you… well, I guess none of us are alright… But how are you holding up?”

A muscle jumps in the back of his jaw, and he shakes his head before bringing the bottle to his lips and taking a deep pull. I can’t look away from the movement of his neck when he swallows, and more than that, I can’t look away from the scar that sits there, reminding me of how close I was to losing him.

Is that what this life affords me? Have all the riches and power in the world, but people around you will suffer and die? If that’s the case, I don’t fucking want it. Any of it. If only I had known the stakes before I started down this depraved fucking path. I think I would have made a lot of different choices, especially regarding Prudence.

With a deep sigh, I step out into the hall and gently pry the alcohol from his fingers. Griffin looks so fucking lost, and I have to wonder if it’s my fault. If everything around me has been imploding because of my blind faith in my dad and the life he expects me to lead? What if I said no when we were ordered to ruin Prudence? What if I had asked questions, demanded to know why she deserved such a fate before I committed to tormenting her? Would we still have ended up right here, or would things have played out differently?

Guilt and self-hatred swirl in my gut until I can barely hold myself upright. But doing what I do best, I push all that to the far recesses of my mind and focus on something else. And tonight, that’s Griffin.

Roping my arm around his shoulders, I steer him toward his room up the hall. He’ll probably pace the floor out here all night, waiting for any news about Prudence, but that’s not good for him. He needs to sleep. So do I, but I know before I’ve even tried that rest won’t come easily tonight.

Stopping outside Griffin’s door, I keep my arm around him while I push it open. “Get to bed, man. Creed will call for us when she’s awake,” I tell him solemnly.

Griffin doesn’t move, though. He stares blankly into his dark room. Finally, after I sigh and almost drag him inside, he shrugs out of my hold and faces me, his expression hard and closed off.

What do we do now? Where does it end? he signs angrily. With her life? With ours? They’ll never let any of us go.

I wipe a hand down my face. I had been wondering the same thing. If The Celestials don’t know yet who helped Prudence get out of that cave, they’ll figure it out soon. If they catch wind that she’s back here, with us… None of us are safe. If we ever truly were at all.

“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly, shaking my head as stress and exhaustion threaten to overwhelm me.

Griffin shakes his head, a muscle in his jaw ticking away. That’s not good enough.

I throw my arms out to the sides, snapping, “Well it’s all I’ve got!” He rolls his icy blue eyes, his nostrils flaring. I know he’s been drinking, and I should just let this go, but instead, my mouth runs off before my brain can stop it. “What the fuck do you expect me to do, Griffin? I’m so far out of my depth, I’m drowning. My whole life, everything I ever believed, has been shredded apart right in front of me, and I’ve been left all on my own to try and tape the pieces back together into something that makes sense while also trying to keep you two from spiraling on top of rescuing Prudence, only for her to pull a stunt so stupid, I could strangle her myself!” I’m nearly panting when I finish, my fists clenched until my knuckles ache. “Nothing is in my control right now, and I’m not okay. So I’m sorry, but no, I don’t have a good answer for you,” I murmur after a moment, dropping my eyes to the ground with shame and regret and every-fucking-thing else that’s threatening to swallow me whole.

Griffin’s deep sigh pulls my eyes back up. He steps closer, putting his hand on the back of my neck and pulling me in until our foreheads are resting together. He doesn’t speak, or attempt to sign anything, he just looks into my eyes. The silent apology and grim understanding I see in his gaze has me closing the last of the distance between us. I drop my head to his shoulder and wrap my arms around him, pressing him against me in a tight hug. Griffin doesn’t hesitate to return the embrace, and it feels so good, my knees almost give out.

“It’s been a long time since I felt like I could lean on you,” I whisper, too rung out to bother hiding the way I feel right now. “I’m sorry for what my dad did… I’m sorry that I didn’t know, that I continued to follow the path he’d laid out for me, and that I became someone I fucking hate because of it.”

Griffin pulls back, gripping my face between his hands. He studies me, his eyes peering deep into my soul and picking out all the broken, twisted pieces. A moment later, his lips are on mine. He’s gentle as he coaxes my mouth open, dipping his tongue inside without the frenzied emotion of last time.

“What are you doing?” I rasp against his lips.

He breaks away from me, dropping his hands from my face as he steps backward into his room. Giving you something to control, he signs with a hesitant smile. At least for tonight.

“Griffin, I don’t—“

Neither of us are going to get any sleep, anyway, he cuts in, tilting his head toward his room and urging me to follow.

I swallow my protests, glancing back at Creed’s closed bedroom door. Prudence is alright for now, safe with Creed. But Griffin is right, there’s no way in hell I’ll be able to settle down enough to fall asleep. Not without seeing her in that tub over and over again.

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