Page 30 of Cage Me

Mom hands me a glass, and her grin falls a little. “I think we’re overdue for some real talk.”

Great. Just how I wanted to spend the rest of my evening.

Still, I don’t tell my mother no. I might not have always agreed with her decisions, but I love her more than my own life. I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything in this world that I could deny her, which is also one of the reasons I stopped fighting Drake.

Sitting down next to her, I take the offered glass, but I don’t taste it. Alcohol is probably the last thing I need right now.

My mind is already screwed up enough on its own.

Chapter 12

SPENCER

Sitting next to my mother feels almost surreal. I’ve been working toward having her back in my life for so long that it’s hard to believe the moment is finally here. Though, she doesn’t seem to be in the same awe as me.

“You’ve disappointed me, Spencer,” she says first, and I choke on air.

I guess she’s done pulling her verbal punches with me.

“Excuse me?”

She looks around the small living room, then back at me. “Why have you denied yourself these things? Why have you chosen to separate yourself from every other soul on this earth? All that seems to have done is cause you harm, and I don’t understand why you’d do that to yourself.”

I laugh harshly and can’t stop my voice from turning sharp. “Because that’s what you taught me. To never be myself, not to show myself, not to trust others.”

Tears shine in her eyes as she shakes her head. “I didn’t intend for those things to go hand in hand or to extend outside of our pack. When I told you not to trust people, I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t ever do so. I just didn’t want you to give your trust too easily to the wrong people. By hiding yourself and never allowing your true wolf to be seen, it was only to protect you, but I can see now how that notion has only hurt you.”

Mom clears her throat and wipes at her wet cheeks as she takes another drink before continuing. I could say something, but the more I’m around her, the more my heart hurts for the last twenty-something years that I’ve lived with this pain, these secrets.

“I never got the chance to show you the right way to live,” she says. “We were always so focused on being careful that you never did get to the fun parts of life and I’m sorry for that. More sorry than I think I’ll ever be able to show you, but it’s not too late to make changes, to teach you now.”

“To teach me what?” I ask, my voice cracking because I don’t want to be angry with her. I don’t want to hold on to all the negativity that I’ve been gripping like a lifeline and using as a shield.

“How to let people love you the right way.”

I open my mouth to speak, but she holds her hand up. “I know you’ve loved me and your brother all these years, and you’ve been living for us, but that’s not the same as letting us love you. We haven’t done that in the way you needed. Peter because he’s too young and me because I was waiting for… Well, that doesn’t matter. What does is you understanding that it’s better to take a chance than live in fear. Though, seeing you now and knowing you’ve found your mate, I have a hard time regretting all my choices, because they’ve led us right to this moment. One that isn’t all bad.”

My shoulders start to shake from the weight I’ve carried over them for as long as I can remember. I hear my mother’s words, I understand them, and hell, I’ve even been trying to tell myself some of the same things already tonight, but that doesn’t mean the pain of my past has disappeared.

Mom wraps her arms around me, encasing me in her love just as a rumble builds inside my chest from my wolf, her personal way of attempting to soothe me.

The love from the two closest beings in my life consumes me, smothering all the hurt and helping me heal. Not entirely, but enough that I hope I can get my emotions in check.

“You shouldn’t regret any of your choices, Mom,” I finally tell her. “I know you did your best with the cards we were dealt, and I don’t hold anything against you.”

She pulls back and holds my face between her warm hands. “Oh, my sweet Spencer. That’s part of the problem. You should be angry with me. You should yell or cry or whatever it is you need to let it all out once and for all. More than that, you should have other people in your life that you can count on besides thinking that me and your brother are all you have. I’ve only spoken with Kasha briefly, but I can already tell that you shouldn’t be sleeping outside like an animal.”

For the first time in much too long, I snort and genuinely laugh. “I am an animal.”

She shoves at my shoulder, but also cracks a smile. “You know what I mean.”

That I do, and between my own epiphanies, the earlier words of the unknown woman Lia, and this conversation with my mom—hell, even meeting Drake—maybe there’s a chance that I can change without losing myself in the process.

Normally, I’d dig in my heels even further, just like I had when I chose to sleep in the shed, but I know I need to be done with that part of my life. Maybe it’s because I’m just so fucking tired of it all or maybe it’s just today, but I fall back onto the couch with a heavy sigh.

“I’m done.” My head leans against the cushions, and I close my eyes, taking a deep inhale. I need this moment to myself, to reflect on the day, my heart, my mind, all of it.

The couch shifts, and I listen to my mother’s footfalls as she silently exits the living room. I don’t pay attention to where she goes. I stay right where I am with my eyes still closed.

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