Page 26 of Shattered Mates

“Thank you.” She kisses me again. “You won’t regret this.”

I hope like hell that she’s right.

She takes my hand and leads me toward the door. Sure enough, Andie is still waiting on the other side, a crease between her brows. “I don’t like your soundproof room. Is everything okay?”

Amersyn nods. “It will be. Let’s go.”

My stomach churns and the air in my lungs feels heavier than smoke, but I don’t turn back. My mate needs me to be strong, and I’m going to show her I’m still the man she deserves, even if I’m not sure I am. I can’t lose her, not because of my own guilt.

Andie settles a hand on each of our shoulders. “East Texas, here we come.”

The world goes black for a few seconds, and then the bright afternoon sun beats down on us, humidity clinging to my skin.

“Maciah?”

I was hoping to see Roman first, get a feel for things, but it seems I’m not getting that benefit.

Turning to my left, I see River. His hair is longer, and he’s lost some weight, but the darkness that was there when I last saw him isn’t as prominent.

“I was hoping I’d see the two of you,” he says with a smile.

Amersyn goes to him first, giving River a hug. “We wouldn’t have missed your first day back home.”

I might have without Amersyn, but he doesn’t need to know that. I’ve caused enough pain already.

River reaches a hand toward me. “It’s good to see you. Dawsyn let me know everything is finally done. Is that right?”

Awkwardly, I accept his handshake and nod. “Yes.”

“Hey, Am,” Andie says not-so-casually. “Cait wants us out at her house. Come on.”

Before I can object, I’m left alone with the person who can break me with just a few words if he chooses.

“What was all that about?” he asks, watching them race across the yard.

“Listen, River,” I say, shoving my hands into the pockets of my black slacks. “I’m sorry?—”

He cuts me off, just like Amersyn did. “I’m not a child anymore, Maciah. I made my own choices. I knew what you were asking of me that day in your office, even if you didn’t. I knew what I would have to do, and that was a choice I gladly made. You couldn’t have talked me out of it, and neither of us could have known how bad things were going to get. Yet, someone had to do it.”

“But it didn’t have to be you,” I say, still unable to look at him.

“I think it did.”

Those four words finally have me lifting my gaze. “What do you mean?”

“The more I’ve been talking to others, the more I realize that for most, it would have been easier to succumb to the darkness, to truly become one of the monsters we were trying to take down. I had every reason not to. Even if I lost myself for a while, I made it back. I can’t say the same would have happened if you’d sent another protector into that nightmare. That, combined with all the people we saved… I don’t regret my choice and you shouldn’t either.”

I hear what he’s saying and even Amersyn’s earlier words repeat in my mind, but none of that absolves me of the guilt. Not today anyway. Maybe one day I’ll get there. Though, I can’t deny, seeing River and hearing how strong he’s being about the whole thing, it helps. My mate was, of course, right in that aspect.

“I’m glad you’re home, River,” I tell him because there really isn’t much else to say.

“Thanks.” He looks past me before meeting my gaze again. “I’m going to go find Jules. I hope you guys are sticking around for a while. I hear there’s a big cookout planned tonight.”

I only nod as he walks away since I can’t be certain we’ll stay that long, but it’s a possibility, especially if Amersyn and Andie are plotting against me. There might not be any other choice but for me to be here for dinner.

Amersyn’s scent wafts toward me, and in the next second, she’s skidding to a stop at my side and grinning. “That went well.”

“You didn’t go see Cait,” I needlessly point out with a glare.

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