Page 11 of Shattered Mates

He needs us for that, she interjects.

No, he doesn’t. My words are calm, because while I might not understand or even know what River has been through, I was forced to recover from my own trauma on my own. He needs to work through whatever happened to him on his own first. I’m not saying we won’t be there for him as he needs us, but we can’t be the reason he’s okay. He needs to stand on his own two feet again and right now he can barely do that.

I hated my sister for months for telling me that I couldn’t have my mate. I didn’t think our age difference mattered. All I knew was that I was hurting and scared and when he was there, I wasn’t.

Only now that I’ve healed from my traumas, I know that I wouldn’t have done so if I’d used River as a bandage. I had to work through having been abused, controlled, and used as a pawn. My mate would have made me temporarily forget my past, but only I was capable of finding the forgiveness I needed to move forward.

I don’t like that I can see reason in your thoughts, my wolf grumbles.

Me neither, but we have to do what’s best for our mate right now, I tell her. That’s the only way we will truly get him back.

Our conversation ends there as she jogs to catch up with his wolf. The two nip and sniff at each other for a few minutes, each of them growling and rumbling. I have no clue what they’re saying, but I hope that River’s wolf is also ready to come home.

We run the rest of the way down the mountain, racing through the thick foliage and breathing heavily by the time we reach the bottom nearly thirty minutes later.

The moon is still high in the sky and the stars are brighter out here than I’ve grown used to in East Texas. As soon as I shift back to two feet, I take a moment to breathe in the cool night air and appreciate the beauty around us.

Even if nothing feels better yet, that doesn’t mean all is lost. I trust fate to work this out some way.

River shifts back as well, and when he steps closer to me, I freeze in place. I’ve waited years to be with him. I’ve dreamt of touching him and no longer holding back my feelings. Yet, seeing him now, so restrained with his agony, I’m afraid to move even an inch.

“You don’t need to fear me,” he says, a deep frown between his eyes. “I wouldn’t ever hurt you, Jules.”

Well, look at me screwing things up already.

My hands reach up and cup his face gently. “There isn’t a bone in my body that’s scared of you. I promise.”

“Then, what’s wrong?” he pleads.

How am I supposed to tell the man I love more than my own life that I think he needs space from me to heal? I can’t. At least, not yet. He needs to be home first.

“I just don’t want to do or say the wrong thing,” I tell him sincerely. A half-truth that makes my stomach churn because it’s also a half-lie.

His forehead presses against mine and he breathes me in. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

I’m far from perfect, so it’s definitely possible, but I’m not going to argue with him. I just want to enjoy this time.

We hold each other under the stars, my head resting against his chest and his arms around my waist. Not even my dreams could replicate the warmth that grows within my chest from physically feeling my mate.

He’s here, right in front of me. This isn’t something my imagination has conjured. River’s heart beats with mine, and the heat from his skin melds through to me.

On the inside, I’m shouting with joy, but on the outside, I’m clinging to him like a lifeline. A turbulence of emotions that I’m not sure how to process, but I’m trying to enjoy regardless.

“Why don’t we get home?” River finally says. When he pulls back, there’s a smile on his face, but the action doesn’t hide the anguish that still pulses from within him.

I press a hand to his chest and smile. “I have coffee, too. We can drive all night.”

Hell, I won’t need the caffeine. I’m not sure I’ll sleep for the next couple of days, but my assurance seems to give him a bit of relief as he opens the passenger door. “You might want to drive. I can’t remember the last time I was behind the wheel.”

It’s my turn to frown. “You don’t remember?” I knew it seemed as if his memory was foggy, but I thought once he realized who I was, that went away.

The back of his hand brushes over my cheek. “You get in and drive and we’ll talk.”

And just like that, the boulder is back in my stomach.

I can do this. I can be there for River, be the mate he needs, and strong enough to bear the weight of his pain.

I can and I will do this.

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