Page 97 of The Cowboy Who Came Home

“But it prices me out.” Finn closed his eyes, shutting out the saltshaker and the rest of the world. If only it was that easy. He hadn’t slept well either, because even with his eyes closed, the situations around him remained.

“And I know I can sell the cattle and reap the harvest, but that means I have to have more money upfront, and I don’t qualify.” He opened his eyes and looked at his father helplessly. “I’ve been over it and over it. I could buy the ranch, sell the cattle, put up the harvest, and pay off the higher loan with the sales. But then, what do I live on for the next year?”

Finn lifted his head and shook it, the thoughts inside his head racing, and he couldn’t catch them. “And if I wait, they’re going to list it, and someone else could get it. And interest rates are climbing, and it just feels impossible.” He hated this defeatist talk, but he really had been over it and over it.

“So Edith’s timing is just bad,” he whispered. “I don’t want to lose her, and I don’t want to lose the ranch, and it feels like I’m going to lose both.” He exhaled and wiped both hands down his face, his eyes burning too much to be comfortable. He really didn’t want to cry in front of his momma, and worse would be Daddy.

“I feel like I’m back at square one, fresh out of the Army, and I should get a cheap apartment in town and hire myself out to anyone who asks.” The way he’d been doing this summer as it was. “It’s pathetic. I’m thirty-one years old, and I’m pathetic.”

“Okay.” Momma dropped her spoon into her ice cream bowl, the metal clanging against the dishware loud enough to startle Finn’s attention over to her. “That’s enough. You are not pathetic, Finley Aaron Ackerman. You have served your country with honor for a decade. You left us all here and you went off and learned, and worked, and served well. That’s not pathetic.”

Finn blinked at her, because Momma could lecture, but it was usually because of something he’d done wrong, not all the things he did right.

“I don’t want to hear those self-deprecating things,” she said, shooting a look at Daddy. “I’m really sorry about Edith. I know you love her, and I just have to believe that true love will win out.”

“Momma,” Finn said in the same tone of voice as the exhaustion that ran through his body. “She might be my One True Love, but I’m not hers.” He looked away, the truth of his relationship with Edith right there in front of him, in black and white. “Her One True Love was Levi Kingsley, and no matter what she says about having room to love me too, the fact is, she doesn’t.”

“Yet,” Momma said, and she could be relentless about things for sure.

“Kelly,” Daddy said softly. He shook his head. “Leave it for now.”

Finn gave his dad a small smile. “Daddy, I have tried to be self-sufficient.” He swallowed, but his bravery—which had failed him miserably a couple of days ago when Edith had said she needed a break—kicked in.

“I can’t lose that ranch.” He sat up straight and puffed out his chest as he drew in another lungful of oxygen. “It’s perfect for me. For us. It borders Three Rivers, for crying out loud. So.” He clasped his hands together to quiet them. “I’m asking you to help me buy it. If you give me a chance, I will show you I can run my own place. I’ll pay you back over time. I promise with everything I have.”

Daddy watched him say every word, his dark eyes drinking in Finn.

“I can qualify for the loan without the addition of the cattle or the harvest,” Finn said. “So I’ve figured out what I need.” He pulled a slip of paper from his pocket, and his mother made a high-pitched yelp.

“You’ve got a paper?”

Finn looked at her. “Yes,” he said. “I’ve been over this and over this.”

“Squire, he’s been over this and over this,” Momma said.

“I heard ‘im,” Daddy said. He reached for the paper and took it, then reached for his reading glasses.

Finn’s pulse sprinted from his chest down to his fingertips. “Daddy, I’m just asking for a loan. The cattle are being valued at eighty-five thousand. The harvest another twenty. I need a hundred and five thousand. I can get the loan for the rest.”

Daddy peered at the paper, and Momma huffed as she got up, collected their ice cream bowls, and went into the kitchen. Finn appreciated her restraint, actually, because she usually said whatever she wanted to say.

“Squire,” she barked several long moments later. “You tell him right now that of course we’re going to give him that money.” She slapped her hands on the kitchen counter, and both Finn and his father looked over to her.

She looked downright angry, and that surprised Finn. He watched her for a moment and then switched his attention back over to Daddy, something she’d said tickling his mind wrong.

“I don’t want you to give me the money,” he said. “I will pay you back.”

“No.” Daddy shook his head and refolded the paper. He tossed it toward Finn, who flinched slightly. He so hadn’t expected his father to say no.

“You won’t be paying us back,” Daddy said. “If you want a loan, the answer is no.” He cocked his eyebrows at Finn, whose mouth had gone dry. “Now, if you want to ask me for a gift, then ask me for a gift.”

“I…can’t,” Finn whispered, the words choking as they came up his throat.

“Finn.” Momma marched back over to the table and pulled out the chair Libby usually sat in. “Libby is going to come back to Three Rivers within the year, with the intent to take over the ranch. Daddy isn’t going to make her pay for that. This is what families do. They pass things along to their children through the generations.” She gestured to Daddy down at the end of the table. “Daddy didn’t buy this ranch from his father, and we’re not doing a loan for you.”

“I’d buy that whole ranch for you,” Daddy said nonchalantly.

Horror washed through Finn. “You will not.”

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