Page 91 of Meet Me in Berlin

‘No.’

‘Please. I’m outside.’

‘What?’ I walk over to the window and lift it open.

She’s on the footpath looking up. ‘You told me during the week where you were staying, remember?’

‘I’ve got nothing to say.’

‘But I have, if you’ll let me,’ she says.

Even from this height, the despair on her face crushes me. ‘Fine. I’m on the second floor – 2A.’ I buzz her in, unlock the flat door and lean against the frame until she appears, bounding up the stairs two at a time. Seeing her turns my legs weak, but I steel myself.

‘Can I come in?’ she says.

I walk inside and sit at the small dining table. Casey shuts the door behind her and tentatively sits across from me. Her eyes are heavy and red-rimmed, and I’m glad.

‘Thanks.’ She looks around. ‘This is nice.’

‘What do you want, Casey?’

She takes a deep breath. ‘Not telling you the truth was stupid. But it all happened so fast, and I got swept away in it – in us. I’ve spent a decade wondering what happened to you and suddenly there you were. I didn’t want anything to spoil that, and I knew it was over with Eva.’

‘Then why didn’t you tell her?’ My voice wobbles, but I won’t let her see me crack.

‘My head was a mess about our relationship. She was fixated on the wedding, and I thought I should try and make it work, but as the date got closer, I struggled. I couldn’t think straight. She was in my ear constantly about the wedding. Mum and Jaz were at me to sort it. When I wasn’t dealing with that, work was stupid busy. It wasn’t until I was on my own in Berlin that it became clear to me. I went to the park the day before we met, and that’s when I knew for certain I couldn’t stay with Eva. It was partly because I remembered being there with you and how much you meant to me, and I couldn’t marry Eva when I had unresolved feelings for someone else. It’s true that I told her when I got back from Berlin. She did that little performance yesterday to hurt me because I hurt her.’

Casey takes my hand and my body warms from her touch. ‘When you and I went for dinner that first night, we didn’t talk about other relationships. And at the river, I was about to tell you – the words were right there – but then we kissed and it felt so right, like I’d found something I thought I’d never find. I didn’t want to spoil it.’

I look away because the pleading in her eyes is wearing me down. I intentionally avoided talking about Tom or Lily at dinner, but I don’t recall hesitancy from her before we kissed. Still, she had the choice to tell me afterwards, and she didn’t.

Her thumb skims over my knuckles. ‘I wanted to tell you on Saturday,’ she says. ‘When we were in the park and you told me about leaving Tom. I was so close to telling you.’

Despite the hurt she’s caused me, a guilty heat spreads over my face. I knew she wanted to tell me something that day and I wouldn’t let her. ‘I would’ve dealt with it, Casey. I would’ve understood. But to lie to me, then spend another four nights with me, ask me to come to London, pretending I was the only person in your life…’ I shake my head. ‘I’m not some fragile little thing who can’t cope with the truth.’

‘I know you’re not. It was a shitty thing to do. To you and to Eva. I was trying not to hurt either of you.’

Envy ripples through me that she wanted to protect Eva, but then I check myself because why wouldn’t she? If what she’s saying is true, she must have loved Eva at some point to get engaged. ‘Having to come back here suddenly, that was because of Eva, wasn’t it?’

Casey nods. ‘Her dad had a car accident. I called her all day on Tuesday so I could tell her it was over, and when she finally called me back, she told me about her dad. I couldn’t tell her then, so I came home. But when I arrived, he was fine. She hadn’t told me because she wanted me to come back early.’

I retract my hand. I’ve heard enough. ‘This can’t work for us, Casey. It’s too late.’

‘Of course it’s not too late.’

‘How do I know you won’t do the same to me in the future? How do I know you’re not still sleeping with Eva? I mean, she’s a beautiful woman.’

She strokes my cheek. ‘So are you, and I swear to you that I’m not sleeping with her.’

‘You were at the pub with her, buying her a drink.’ I shrug. ‘You weren’t expecting me until the next day.’

‘I met her to give her back the keys to the flat. I was getting her a drink because she’d bought me one then I was going back to work.’

‘You couldn’t return the keys some other way?’

‘I wanted to, but Eva’s pushy; she insisted, and the pub is right across from work.’

‘When were you going to tell me?’

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