Page 89 of Meet Me in Berlin

Casey hangs her head.

‘You could’ve told me then. That would’ve been the perfect time to tell me. Yes, I would’ve been upset, but I would’ve let you explain.’

‘I wanted to. The words were right there, but you looked so … so broken, and I couldn’t do it. It’s over with Eva; I promise you. I told her as soon as I got back on Wednesday, and I was going to tell you the truth this weekend. You were supposed to be here tomorrow, and I was going to tell you everything.’

My eyes fill again. ‘I trusted you, Casey. I thought last week was something special.’

She grabs my hand. ‘It was. I fucked up not telling you straight away, but the more time I spent with you, the harder it became.’

‘Have you been sleeping with Eva since you got back? Did you hop off the phone to me and into bed with her?’

‘What? No!’ She looks genuinely outraged. ‘From the airport, I went straight to her flat, we broke up and I moved to Jaz’s place. I also told her about you at the same time.’

‘How am I supposed to believe that when you lied to me for almost a week? And I assume, lied to her.’

She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off.

‘Did you sleep with her the same week you slept with me? Before you went to Berlin?’

Her brows pull together and she stays silent.

A rush of nausea hits me, and I turn away with a disgusted grunt.

‘The weekend before I went to Berlin…’ she says. ‘I didn’t know then that?—’

‘So you went from having sex with your fiancée one weekend, not knowing you wanted to end it, to having sex with me the following weekend knowing it was over with her?’

Her brows furrow deeper. ‘Well, it sounds bad when you say it like that.’

I start to walk away, but she grabs my arm.

‘I did have doubts about Eva then. I have for months. But I was trying to make it work.’ She releases me and takes a deep breath. ‘Okay, this is what happened. We were together the Saturday before I went to Berlin. I was having serious doubts. We went to her parents’ in the afternoon and I was struggling, so I left and went to my own parents’ and stayed the night. It was over for me then and I did not sleep with her again. I tried talking to her about the wedding, but she broke down and I couldn’t handle it, so I went to Berlin the following day instead. But I swear to you I didn’t have sex with her again.’

I want to believe her, but my head is swimming with memories of finding out about Lily’s affair, and my heart cracks from the familiar hurt and rejection, except this time, the crack feels so much deeper.

Casey continues. ‘It wasn’t until I got to Berlin and had some time alone that I knew I couldn’t go on like that. But work was so busy, and if I told her then I would’ve been up all night dealing with it. So I planned to tell her on the Friday night instead, when I didn’t have work the next day and could spend the time to talk to her properly, but then I found you. Please, Holly, you have to believe me. I can’t lose you a second time.’

I frown. ‘I’ll never be able to trust you.’

She takes my hand. ‘Of course you can.’

‘We were so intimate, so close. How could you be like that with me, yet be in a relationship with someone else?’

‘Because I don’t love her and I knew we were done.’

‘Except you forgot to tell her.’ I pull my hand free and start walking.

She keeps pace beside me. ‘Let’s go somewhere. We can talk.’

‘Leave me alone.’

She grabs my arm and I yank it free. ‘I said, leave. Me. Alone. This can’t work. I was stupid to think last week meant anything to you.’

‘It meant everything to me.’

I stride away, then stop and turn. ‘Don’t follow me. You can watch me walk away like I watched you walk away, and you can fucking hurt like I hurt then and like I hurt now.’ My tears spill again. ‘Fuck you for doing this to me.’

‘Holly!’ she calls, but her voice dissolves into the sounds of London, and the ache in my heart is even deeper and more painful than the first time she let me down.