Page 109 of Meet Me in Berlin

His face falls and he slowly releases my hand.

‘Sorry, that was insensitive,’ I say.

He breaks eye contact and adjusts his glasses. ‘No, you’re right. I did mention the F word.’

Our meals arrive and he picks up his cutlery, giving me a resigned smile. ‘Tell me about your trip? We haven’t talked about that. Your photos are amazing.’

I tense at the mention of my travels, but I want to be honest with him. ‘I met someone, Tom.’

He stops chewing for a moment as he looks at me with wounded eyes, then resumes eating. He swallows. ‘And here I am trying to woo you back.’ He clears his throat. ‘I really do misread things sometimes.’

‘We’re not together. It didn’t work out and they’re in the UK. I just wanted to be honest with you.’

‘In the UK. Okay, well, I’m not going to pretend I’m not happy it hasn’t worked out, but I can see you’re upset about it, so…’

I suck in a sharp breath, and he lets out a remorseful sigh. ‘Now I’m being insensitive. I’m sorry you’re not happy. This person it didn’t work out with … it’s the woman in the photo with you, isn’t it? The one on your Instagram?’

I nod. ‘Casey is her name.’

There’s a strained silence as he takes a sip of wine. ‘As soon as I saw that photo, I knew I could never compete.’

‘Please don’t think that. It’s not a competition.’

‘I meant, how you were looking at each other. You seemed so happy. I don’t remember you ever looking at me like that.’

I hang my head guiltily and murmur, ‘Sorry.’

He leans forward and ducks his head so he can meet my eyes. ‘I wasn’t after an apology. It was just an observation, and it was nice to see you happy.’ He sits back. ‘Did you meet in Berlin? I’m confused about how you could be like that with someone you’d only just met.’

‘It’s a long story,’ I say and take a bite of salmon, regretting my decision to be honest.

He shrugs. ‘I haven’t got anywhere else to be.’

‘Really? You want to hear about this?’

‘If it’s important to you, of course.’

So, as we work through our meals and have another glass of wine, I tell him the whole story, starting with my uni exchange in Berlin and meeting Casey in the Alte Nationalgalerie. I tell him about our fleeting time together – leaving out the details of our intense connection – about Monbijoupark, the time and day and place thing, how Casey ran off and we lost contact, and finally, finding each other again in the park when I returned.

‘Well, that explains why you were keen to get there so quickly,’ he says.

‘Not because I thought she’d be there. It was something I needed to do for myself, to forget the idea of her and move on. I wanted closure because I had spent a decade thinking about her, wondering what had happened and creating this ideal person and relationship in my head. But in the end, it wasn’t meant to be.’

‘Why not?’

I tell him about Eva, watching him closely to gauge his reaction, but his face is unreadable. ‘So that’s it,’ I say finally. ‘And now I’m home, trying to build a new life.’

He pushes his plate to the side and picks up his glass. ‘You know, Hols, people aren’t perfect. Relationships aren’t perfect. You do have high expectations, and sometimes it’s a little hard to meet them.’

A slow heat crawls up my neck. ‘Geez, Tom. Say what you think.’

He gives a short laugh. ‘Well, we’re friends, right? Did you listen to her side before you wrote her off?’

‘Her side? She lied to me, and to Eva. They were getting married in a matter of weeks.’ I know this from going through Eva’s Instagram page. I down the last mouthful of wine, angry he’s siding with someone he’s never met. Besides, Casey not only lied, she and Eva were still having sex right up until she left for Berlin. They probably had sex before Casey ended it, too. Thanks for the shag, Eva. By the way, the wedding’s off and I’ve been sleeping with this Australian bird called Holly in Berlin. Later. Is that how it went?

Tom leans forward. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’

‘Yes, she told me her side, and I didn’t believe it, so…’

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