Page 104 of Meet Me in Berlin

‘Long story. But the quick version is, and it sounds bad when I say it out loud, but I was going to finish with Eva, then I met up with Holly in Berlin, and well…’ I shrug. ‘Things happened. I did break it off with Eva, I just didn’t get the chance to tell Holly myself. Now she’s gone back to Australia. She wants nothing to do with me, and the most horrible thing happened after she’d been home a few days – her mum passed away from a heart attack.’

‘Oh,’ Josanne says, placing her hand against her chest.

All the emotion I’ve tried to contain since I read Holly’s message this morning starts to seep out of me. ‘We finally spoke the night of her mum’s funeral, and I thought we’d keep talking,’ I say with a wobbly voice. ‘But now she’s messaged to say it’s pointless, and I feel like I can’t keep contacting her or fighting for her because of what she’s going through.’

Josanne nods. ‘Yes. That’s a difficult situation.’

My eyes begin to water. ‘I’m so angry at myself. It was a shitty thing to do to Eva, and it was my second chance with Holly and I blew it.’

‘Your second chance? I didn’t realise you had an ex in Berlin.’

‘Not an ex. We met when we were exchange students and lost touch. Neither of us had any idea the other would be in Berlin – we had this silly meeting-point thing and we found each other.’

Josanne gives me a quick smile. ‘Well, that sounds like fate to me.’

‘That’s what Holly said, before I messed everything up.’

‘Maybe she just needs some time? And maybe you’re being too hard on yourself? We all make mistakes and love makes us do stupid things sometimes.’

‘More like lust, I think.’

She nods. ‘That too. You can take some time if you need.’

‘No.’ I say. ‘Thank you. I need to work, if that’s okay. It’s the only thing that helps. Being around art helps.’

‘Of course. Just don’t want you overdoing it.’ She pauses a moment. ‘Speaking of work, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.’

‘Oh?’

‘There are going to be some staff changes in the Berlin gallery, so it’s a good opportunity for us to appoint a director – just for a year, at this stage. Felix isn’t interested, and while I don’t want to lose you, you would be perfect for it.’

I sit back in my chair, brows raised in surprise. ‘Wow. Okay. When do you need to know?’

She shrugs. ‘It’s a big decision, so take time to think about it. We have a few weeks before we’d need to move ahead with recruitment.’

I light up my phone screen with a tap, glance at Holly’s message. Maybe she’s right. Maybe we weren’t meant to be. Maybe our fate was a brief reconciliation so that we could both move on. I flip my phone over and say to Josanne, ‘I’ll definitely think about it.’

Even though it’s a Sunday, I’ve spent the morning at work. Now I’m wandering through Soho, contemplating the job offer – other than Holly, it’s all I’ve been able to think about since Josanne mentioned it on Friday. Not that I need more reminders of Holly, but at least our time together in Berlin was special, unlike here, where I need to look at the pub every time I go to work.

I find myself outside the bar Jazzy and I go to. A pint sounds good right now. Inside, I settle on a bar stool, order an ale and pull out my phone, hoping to find a reply from Holly, but there’s nothing. Just like there wasn’t an hour ago, or eight hours ago, or twenty-four hours ago. I reread the garbled reply I sent her on Friday.

It doesn’t matter we’re in different countries. I don’t want anything from you other than to stay in touch. It’s not pointless and you’re wrong we weren’t meant to be. You said it was fate and I believe that.

I want to retrieve the message so I don’t look like a pathetic sap, but she’s read it.

‘Hi, Casey,’ says a familiar voice beside me.

My head snaps up to see Eva, and I groan.

She holds her hands up. ‘Don’t storm off or have a go, just let me…’ She points to the empty stool beside me. ‘Can I sit for a minute?’

I consider telling her to go away, but there’s not much fight in me these days, and the guilt about what I did to her continues to weigh heavy on me. I pull the stool out for her.

She orders me another drink and two glasses of white wine, then pushes the half pint of ale in front of me.

‘Thanks.’ I gesture to her drinks. ‘Thirsty?’

She picks up one of the wine glasses and points behind me. ‘I’m here with someone. Give me a second. Don’t leave.’

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