Page 102 of Meet Me in Berlin

‘Oh. Friends. Maybe. Bit hard to think about anything past today at the moment.’

His cheeks redden. ‘Oh, yes, sorry. Of course. I meant…’ He shakes his head. ‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ I point across the backyard. ‘I should probably see how Adam’s doing.’

‘Sure. And again, I’m so sorry about your mum.’ He reaches for my hand. ‘If you need someone to talk to…’

‘Bye, Tom,’ I say, retracting my hand and stepping off the deck into the garden. ‘Hey,’ I say to Adam when I reach him. ‘Are you doing okay?’

He nods gravely. ‘You?’

I swallow. ‘Numb.’

‘Yep. Me too.’

I give his arm a rub. ‘I’ll go and say hello to a few more people and then we can wrap it up, hey?’

‘Yes, please.’

Adam, Meg and I spend another hour or so chatting to guests until everyone eventually leaves. As the sun sets, we move inside to the lounge, eyes red and scratchy, and share stories of Mum and Dad. Meg controls our wine intake, and my nephews sit on our laps, dabbing at our tears, while we show them photos and videos of their grandparents. Soon, exhaustion sets in and I take myself off to my room.

Tucked in bed, I pull my phone from my bag to find a message from Casey, and my heart stutters.

I couldn’t let today pass without contacting you. I’m thinking of you and your family today and hope the day goes as well as it can. If you ever want or need to talk, I’m here for you. Always xx

I clutch the phone to my chest. ‘What have I done, Mum? Have I made a mistake?’ I wait for some kind of sign – a flickering light, a photo frame flying off the chest of drawers – but the only sounds are Adam and Meg shuffling around the house, getting ready for bed. I read Casey’s message again and my resolve weakens. I reply.

Funeral went okay. Thinking of you too.

Immediately, Casey’s image flashes on my screen. My heart leaps and my finger automatically joins the FaceTime call. And there she is, radiant and beautiful. ‘Hello,’ I say.

Casey gasps. ‘You answered. I totally didn’t expect that.’

I give a tired smile.

‘You all right?’ She shakes her head. ‘Sorry, that was stupid. Are you doing okay?’

A tear falls and I nod.

Her eyes widen. ‘You’re not. Of course you’re not.’

I wipe my cheek. ‘It was a difficult day. Mum was unwell for so long, and it’s not just grief, but everything. The stress and shock of it all.’

Casey nods, her eyes filled with compassion.

‘At least the last words I said to her were “I love you” – and she said it back to me. And I got to see her in person, rather than being over there when it happened. I will always have that.’ I choke back a sob.

Casey’s eyes well and she clears her throat. ‘That’s really special. I’m glad you got to see her too.’

We’re silent as I brush away a few more tears, then she says, ‘You want me to hop on a plane after work? I totally will.’

Yes, my heart screams, but I give a weary shake of my head. ‘I’ll be okay.’ A heavy pause follows, filled with everything we need and want to say to one another, but that’s too much right now, so I ask, ‘Are you at work?’

She glances around. ‘Yep. This is my little office.’ She switches the view and does a quick scan. I glimpse white walls and a bright painting of a beach before she flips it back to her. ‘I’ve been working a lot, curating the winter exhibition. Opens mid-December.’

What I’d give to be there right now, sharing her excitement about a new exhibition and looking forward to going to another opening with her.

She chews her bottom lip, then says, ‘I miss you, Holly.’

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