Page 33 of Gabriel's Salvation

Wait, Isabella knows Stacey? How? Since when? Why?

My mind swirls with all the questions.

Did Isabella put Stacey up to it? Had us meeting all been some sort of trick? Was this all a sick joke? Was this her way of trying to hurt me one last time?

I call Nate again and this time he finally answers.

"Holy shit, man, it's almost two o'clock! Where the fuck have you been?" I roar into the phone. I don’t know if I’m relieved, still terrified, or mad with fury. My heart is racing and I have a bad urge to break things.

"I'm sorry, I met some new friends yesterday and went out with them last night. Today we went to a park, and now we've gone out for a drive. I totally lost track of time; no big deal." Nate replies nonchalantly and I feel a mixture of relief that he's safe and annoyance knowing exactly what new friends he's talking about… her. Yet again she is trying to steal him from me. "You really scared me, Nate. After what happened, you know it stresses me the fuck out when you're gone too long, especially when you don’t even bother to let me know you are alive!"

"Gabe, you seem to forget that I'm almost eighteen. I'm old enough now to make my own decisions. We're not little kids anymore. You’re not my parent. No one is going to separate us again. I've got you, and you have me, Gabriel. That's all we need," I hear him say in a soothing voice. I know I'm being completely irrational. I'm not his father; I have no right to dictate what he can and can't do. But I might as well be his father. I was basically the closest thing he had to a loving father growing up. Surely that gives me some right to feel this way.

It really doesn't, you were doing soo much worse when you were his age. My mind reminds me. Still, sometimes I think of him as that little boy who needs protecting. So, like the insecure little boy I once was, I cling to him like a life preserver.

"I know you keep saying that, but I promised Mom on her deathbed that I'd always take care of you and keep you safe, and I never want to break that promise again," I admit, feeling a swirl of emotions brewing as I remember that day so clearly, holding my mother’s hand in that tiny hospital room, her whole body covered in tubes and wires. She made me promise to always take care of Nate. I was barely eight years old, and she was making me promise to always protect him. Promise to keep him safe; promise to always look after him. The way I'd always been doing since I was barely out of diapers.

"I know, but like I said, we were kids; that doesn't count. You never broke your promise as far as I'm concerned," he tries to reassure me. We've gone back and forth on this same fight more times than I can count. But as far as I'm concerned mom gave me one job. I made a promise to the most precious and perfect human to ever grace this earth. I couldn't save her but I could do this one thing to make her comfortable enough to finally stop fighting. And I failed.

I hate the feeling it gives me every time I think back to those times. The burn in my chest as I think about all I lost when she died. Even when she was dying and barely had the strength to stand, she found some way to keep my father calm. To take the brunt of his annoyance and keep me and Nate safe. But once she was gone, life became a hell that was beyond anything I could have imagined. Why couldn't he have been the one to die? What cruel and sadistic god took away a sweet angel and left us to be raised by a sadistic devil?

"Anyway, did you at least get lucky at that party last night?" I ask, changing the subject. Giving him the chance to mention that he found Isabella again.

"It wasn't like that," Nate snaps back and I know I've hit a nerve.

"That's all it's like, little brother. Girls are only useful for one night. After that, they're just a waste of energy," I sigh as my mind drifts to Stacey. That is what it is right? They are only good for their hole and a release, and it’s time to move on. But why doesn’t it feel as right as it did before?

"Not everyone sees it that way, Gabe. Some see girls are much more than just a place to park your ride." I know now that he's still there, with her. That yet again he’s chosen her; he's spending his time with her and leaving me alone in that house. See! Girls just fuck up everything.

"Don't tell me, Mr. I'm-too-good-for-a-one-night-stand is still hung up on Princess Isabella," I bite out at him. I can hear the bitterness and condescending tone in my own voice, but I don't care.

"This is none of your business, whether I am or not. I'm just saying that not everyone is a heartless asshole like you," he yells before hanging up on me.

“Fuuuuck!” I scream, kicking the door in anger. Fuck that hurt. How my foot didn't go through it, I'll never know. Why am I like this? Why is my first instinct to attack anytime I feel hurt or vulnerable? Why can't I just be fucking normal?

Feeling guilty, I take out my phone again and send Nate a text.

Me

I'm sorry, bro, you know she's a difficult subject for BOTH of us. I don't want to lose you, especially when I finally have you back.

I know I'm an asshole, but I love you, Nathaniel.

Nate

And I love you too, Gabriel, but this fucking war you have with Bella and her family has to stop! It's been over five years. You need to let go of the hate now. Just move on with your life.

Move on with my life? How? Not everyone managed to slip into the role of playing the perfect little son to the rich parents like he did. I swear to god he has no idea what the fuck I went through. How fucked up my head is. While his fucked up little life ended the day child protective services came and took us away. That was just the start of my journey.

Me

It's hard when I lost you in the first place because of her.

Nate

YOU DIDN'T LOSE ME! I'm RIGHT HERE!!! But if you don't give up this vendetta against Bella and her family, you’ll push me away.

Shit! Yet again there’s gonna be a choice where he’s forced to choose between me and the fucked up family we had together or her and his perfect little fantasy. It won’t be me. I’ve never been the one people stick around for.

---