Present Day

Shaking my head to rid it of my memories, I grab another beer from the fridge.

Stupid little Gabe, believing he was actually helping. I bet the old bastard had a good old laugh once I left.

Poor, neglected Gabe, relying on pathetic handouts to survive. Pretending to be a sweet caring family when really they were luring my family into a trap, ready to strike and report us to the authorities.

I will never be weak, afraid, or stupid again. I can take care of myself and I can sure as hell take care of Nate. We only need each other. I make good money and soon Nate will too. We can get all the food and pussy we need when we want it. What else is there to want?

For a moment I feel happy; it's only a few more months till Nate turns eighteen and hopefully moves back home to me. That's been the plan for ages. But is this enough for Nate? Am I enough for Nate? He’s just going to leave me as soon as something better comes along and then it will just be me again. Fuck it! I’ve done okay since coming back here. I will be okay no matter what.

These thoughts are going to drive me mad so I grab my beer and park my ass on the couch. Eventually, I grab the DVDs that Nate gave me and lose myself in watching them while I drink my beer and smoke my dope. After a while I look at my phone and of course, there is nothing there from anyone. Everyone has other people that they would rather connect with than me. The only time people contact me is when they need something - a fuck, some dope, a repair, something. People only want me for what I can do for them.

My mind wanders thinking about what Nate’s future will be. Even when we were kids he was always the one people liked. Despite everything our father put us through he is someone still encompassed by light and goodness. Not like me who was consumed by darkness.

He will probably find himself some bitch of a wife and a couple of ankle biters running around his knees - make his own family. Where will I fit in? Nowhere, that's where! I'll be thrown away like last week's trash. I'll be stuck in this house old and bitter just like my father was. Probably right here on this couch and fade into oblivion. No one will miss me when I'm gone. No one will stand over my grave and weep. I'll just be maggot food.

Trying to distract myself from my downward spiral, I put the next DVD in and try to watch, hoping that the familiar appeal of guns, violence, and motorbikes will make me feel more at home. But of course this episode is all about the biker gang pulling together like a big ass family to try and rescue Jax's baby. When the fuck did this become some lame ass family show? Why is Jax ready to betray his brothers for some snot-nosed baby?

At first it makes no sense to me, until I think back to a baby who I would have protected with my life - Nate - he wasn't my kid of course, but he might as well have been. It was me who was there when he took his first steps. It was me who made sure he got food every night, even when my own tummy was empty and hurt. I would have done anything for him. I still would. I’d take a bullet for my brother. Is that how Jax feels about his kid? Is that how parents should feel?

A feeling of sadness and yearning settles over me. Will I ever have that? Would I ever want that?

Fuck this, I need to stop this before I take a knife and slit my own throat.

Chapter Two

Gabe

Imake my way to the kitchen and check the fridge. Empty. Check the cupboards. Bare. There's officially no food or booze left in the house. Even the bottle of cheap wine I got from one of the customers as a Christmas gift has been drunk. For fuck’s sake!

Eyeing up the birthday card on the counter, I remember the money. I jump in the shower and quickly throw on some jeans, a shirt, and my trademark leather jacket before grabbing the cash and making my way outside to see my one true love—my Harley— my pride and joy, the only girl I’ll ever care about. She’s a matte black 2021 Harley Davidson Sportster 1250S. She has black rims, and an exhaust that has the prettiest purr. You definitely hear me coming with that exhaust. The shit I had to do to get her, but it was worth it

I somehow make it to town in one piece, despite the fact I'm well over the legal drink and drive limit. As soon as I walk into the first bar I see Declan, the usual bartender. I don't even need to ask before a glass of rum and coke is slid in front of me.

“Run me a tab,” I grunt in response.

“Will do,” he replies with a thumbs up as he pours a beer for the next customer.

I spend the next few hours silently nursing glass after glass of rum at the end of the bar. That is until someone slides in and sits herself down on the bar stool next to me.

“Hi Handsome, what's your name?” the girl purrs.

I turn my head about to tell her to fuck off but stop in my tracks when I see her. She’s hot as fuck with her long blond hair, big tits threatening to spill out of a tight red dress, and legs that seem to go on forever.

“I'm Stacey, how about you buy me a birthday drink?” the girl confidently suggests as she taps the 21 badge on her dress.

“Well, since it’s my birthday as well, maybe you should buy me one.” I drawl with a cheeky smirk.

“Shots!” she says loudly to the bartender.

“$2 each or four for $5? ”

“I'll take eight then,” she says, giving me a cheeky wink.

The bartender makes the shots and hands them to her on a tray. She takes one off and places it in front of me.

“That will be $10 then please,” the bartender says, handing her the card machine.