Page 110 of Gabriel's Salvation

“Everyone says stuff they don't mean when they’re a kid,” Riley interrupts.

“No Riley, you don't understand. I didn't just say, ‘Oh I’m gonna stab you’ in jest. I grabbed a knife and held it up to him and threatened to stab him with it,” I admit. I see Riley’s eyes widen as she swallows an invisible breath.

“I'm sure you had your reason,” she adds, but it's clear from her tone and face that she doesn't truly believe that.

“Yeah, I misread a situation. He was teaching Nate to ride a bike, and I turned my back just as he decided Nate was doing well enough to let go. Nate panicked and ended up crashing. All I heard was a scream and as I ran out, I saw my foster father kneeling over a bleeding Nate. My first instinct was that he was trying to hurt him, or perhaps already had so I jumped in to save him without thinking.”

“Oh, Gabe,” Riley soothes as she leans down and kisses me softly. “That doesn't make you a monster; that makes you a protector. Sure, a kind of crazy one, but a protector nonetheless. You saw your brother in what you believed was danger, and since you'd never known anything other than danger, you naturally jumped to conclusions,” she says as she grips my face and forces me to look at her again. “It's not your fault baby,” she adds as she kisses me again.

How does she see me so completely? And not just the version of me that I show the world, but really and truly sees ME. The broken yet fragile me that I keep hidden deep within.

I don't know how long we sit outside going back and forth as Riley asks question after question about my past, my relationships, whether or not I have other family members, and so on.

“Okay, one last question and then we will head out for lunch as I'm starving,” Riley whines at the same time as her stomach growls like there's a wild animal hiding inside. “What's the deal with you and Izzy? I still don't fully understand.”

“What's there to understand?” I ask.

“Well, from what you've told me, everything you've ever done is basically to protect Nate and keep him safe, correct?”

“Yeah,” I say slowly, not really understanding what she's getting at.

“Well I've heard Nate and Izzy tell their story many times. They talk about this whole epic romance they had, how they met as friends, and some fun things they did together. How they communicated through letters, letters that you helped Nate read and send. And how the three of you kind of grew up together. So Izzy seems like she was good. She's always been good for Nate. So why do you hate her so much?”

“There's always another side to every story, Cinders ” I say, as I feel the anger and disappointment building up in me.

“So what's your side then?” Riley asks.

“She betrayed us. We trusted her; we were honest with her. The first person in our whole life we trusted, and she used that against us. Nate loved her. Heck, I think even I did in my own, protective big brother way, and she broke his heart.

“What do you mean?” Riley asks as she sits herself down on my lap to listen.

I tell her all about the first time they met, how I came home from school and Nate was missing. I spent hours circling the woods, shouting his name as I searched for him. My brain had me convinced my father had come home from work and hurt him. I describe how I hadn’t been just looking for my brother playing, I was also looking for blood, signs of a struggle, or even a bloody and battered body discarded on the floor like trash. And how relieved I was when I finally found him sitting on her family's porch with a smile on his face. I explain how I begged Nate to stay away but how he disobeyed me every single time, which caused me stress constantly when I would arrive home and he was again gone.

I go on to explain how I slowly came to tolerate Izzy, and eventually even like her when I saw how happy she made Nate. I was truly grateful for her family showing him love and affection. Despite being jealous and envious, because I also longed to find what he had found in them, I was still happy for him.

I share how happy and fuzzy it made me feel as I got to watch them fall in love letter by letter. And how part of me wished the words I was reading, the ones saying how much she missed him and how much she couldn't wait to spend time with him were aimed at me. I admit that some of the words I wrote back to her about how great of a friend she was came from my own heart as well.

“But then she betrayed us both. We trusted her with a secret, a secret not another living soul knew about, and she ran to her grandparents. Because of her actions, our whole life was upended and thrown into a new level of chaos,” I huff, “I'm thankful the Jacksons agreed to take us both in, even if for only a short time. We could have easily been separated and thrown into separate homes, never to see each other again. Or worse, we could have been put in another abusive home, one which we never survived.”

“Oh baby,” Riley replies sadly as she grips my hand reassuringly.

“What would have happened if my father had managed to talk those cops around, made them believe the house was fine? He would have killed one, if not both of us, for sure. Her loose lips could have been the end for us both.” I feel the anger, fear, and hurt take over as I’m reminded of all those feelings.

“I understand but you have to forgive her; she was only a child. She didn't know what she was doing. I'm sure she was trying to help,” Riley implores as she rests her head against my chest.

“It didn't feel like that, it still doesn't,” I admit.

Riley buries her head into my chest and holds onto me tightly as she listens to me continue to explain how betrayed I felt when we got taken into care. What it felt like to be ripped away from the only bits of stability I knew. The anger that raged through me because I blamed Isabella for putting a wedge between me and Nate, and the loss I felt because up until we moved in with the Jacksons, he'd always depended on me. When we went there, it suddenly felt like he didn't need me anymore.

I feel silly as I hear how pathetic my own words sound now that I'm saying them out loud. Yet the whole time Riley nods along, not once laughing or making me feel guilty for my crazy thoughts or feelings.

“I guess when you had to move back here alone, it just made you blame her more for making you have to deal with all that shit alone,” Riley adds. Shit, does she truly agree and understand?

“Wait, you agree with me? That it's all Isabella’'s fault?” I gasp.

“Well, yes and no,” Riley says with a shrug. “I know Izzy and she still feels guilty about everything that happened. She knows she had a role in what happened, but it was unintentional. Plus I know her, she's one of my best friends, and I know she’d never purposefully do anything to hurt either of you. Even now, when you still treat her like shit, she's always one of the first to defend you.”

“Oh,” so she does think it's all in my head then.

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