Page 107 of Gabriel's Salvation

I pause for a moment wondering what to reply. I don’t wanna tell Kelly her name, and her face isn't clear enough in the picture for Kelly to recognize her. I consider calling her my girlfriend, but we've not really had that chat yet and the word girlfriend still seems so foreign to me. So instead I say the only thing that feels right.

Me

My salvation.

I then block and delete her number. Not wanting to ever hear from her again.

I snuggle back into my girl and drift off into a calm and peaceful slumber.

Riley

The light shines in through the curtains, pulling me out of my sleep. I reach over and grab my phone, realizing it's barely 6 a.m. I'm never awake this early.

I consider rolling back over and making the most of snuggling up to my man, but something tells me to get up instead. I carefully sneak out of bed realizing I’m butt ass naked other than a bunched up blanket beneath me. I look down at Gabe, placing a soft kiss on the top of his head as I carefully sneak out of the bed. I throw on my clean underwear and the baggy t-shirt I packed, and make myself a coffee. Coffee in hand, I slide the balcony door open quietly, taking one last glance behind me to ensure Gabe's still in bed, before I make my way outside to enjoy my morning coffee in peace.

I have never been one for lots of disruption when I wake up. I've always needed time alone to truly wake up and start the day. I slowly sip my drink, enjoying the quiet. No sound other than birds and the occasional voice on the ground below for company. That is until a loud bang from behind me startles me. I stand quickly and rush inside, unsure what I expect to find or do about it. What I least expect to find is Gabe thrashing around in bed. His arm swings out, knocking over the lamp on the table beside him. Then his other arm bangs against the headboard above him.

“Stop, no, stop,” he cries out. I rush over to him, unsure what to do, but knowing I have to make it stop.

“Get the fuck off me!” he bellows as he continues to thrash around, fighting some invisible monster. What the fuck do I do?

“Gabe, wake up it's me, it's me, Riley,” I say softly as I try to lightly shake him awake, but it's no use.

“Leave me alone,” he bellows, barely coherently, as his arms and legs continue to kick out. I climb on top of him, placing one hand on either shoulder, and try to forcefully shake him awake.

Still asleep, his arms fly up as if to hit me and I panic. Fuck, he thinks I’m the monster he’s fighting. Without thinking, I slap him hard. His eyes fly open and I see a mixture of anger and fear flash through them before they focus on me. They then morph into shock, embarrassment, confusion, and finally guilt.

“I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry, so sorry, did I hurt you?” he asks as he grips my face, turning it side to side, looking for evidence of marks I'm assuming. He runs his hands down my neck and over my arms, the whole time his eyes rapidly scan my chest and tummy.

“What the fuck did I do?” he whimpers as his hands and eyes continue their assessment of me.

“I'm fine, baby, I'm fine. You didn't do anything. You didn't hurt me,” I tell him, the words coming out rapidly as I hope to calm him.

“I'm so sorry,” he says again, this time sounding like he's holding back tears. He pulls me down against himself and holds me tight, like if he lets go I will somehow vanish.

I can feel his heart thumping out of his chest against my cheek as his rapid breathing continues. “It's fine baby; you're safe now,” I try to say, despite the fact that my voice is muffled against his body. I try to pull away, just enough so that I can look at him, but his grip on me intensifies even further. I feel my shirt tighten against my body as his hands grip the fabric for dear life. He’s holding onto me like I'm his only lifeboat, and he's lost at sea.

Realizing he needs me more now than anyone ever has before, I allow my body to entwine with his as I lay silently until he finally feels safe enough to let go.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispers as he rolls me off him and attempts to leave.

“Wait!” I cry out as I lunge forward to grab onto him just as he's about to stand.

“Let go, Riley,” he says sadly.

I wrap my arms around him as I bury my head against the back of his shoulder. “Don't go, please; don't leave me. Don’t shut me out. Please!” I beg.

“I'm broken, baby. Broken beyond repair. You deserve so much more than I can give you,” he says softly as his hands rest on top of mine.

“I don't want anything from you; I only want you.” I reassure him, praying he hears the truth and honesty in my voice.

“But I'm broken; I'm damaged goods. You deserve perfect, and that's just not me!” he says in an oddly defeated tone like he's already given up on us. My heart breaks as a tear runs down my cheek and onto his shoulder. I can't lose him, I just can't. Not like this. Not over some stupid dream. Not when we were so close to finally being together like I know we both want.

Gabe must feel the tears continuing to fall as he pulls my hands apart so that he can move, but instead of running away, he drops to his knees in front of me. “Please don't cry. You deserve so much more than I can give you, baby. You deserve sunshine and flowers and fancy dates. You’re good and kind like a mother fucking ray of sunshine brightening my pathetic life. Meanwhile I’m a goddamn blackhole of danger and destruction who will end up destroying yours. You're the light that illuminates my world and I'm just a black hole of darkness destroying yours.”

“No!” I snap as my hands beat against him in frustration. “I don't want any of that bullshit; I just want YOU!”

“But…” Gabe begins, but I cut him off.

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