She got home and to her relief he wasn’t there. But his presence, his force of will, was evident everywhere—and his incredible productivity. The downstairs flats had been gutted and the space opened up so the skeleton—and flaws—could be seen. They just had to fix up all the failings and finalise the design of the rebuild. He’d been attentive to her physical security on other levels, too, cooking her dinner night after night, breakfast in the morning. All this while still driven in his own rehab exercise regime. There weren’t any wild nights on the town or millions of women. There was only consistent effort—from him. Getting the job done so he could get back to the good bits.
And was that so bad of him? Was it wrong to be so determined to fulfil his dreams and ambitions? People had to be driven to achieve and the world needed achievers in all kinds of disciplines. He’d learned the lesson from his father’s choices—that he had to prioritise. And in his chosen field there was a time limit. Could she really expect him to give that up?
No. And she didn’t want to either.
But maybe it was time for her to think about her own dreams, too—for her own career, for her own longing to travel. Couldn’t she do that, too?
She looked out the window at Jack’s makeshift skate park. The man knew how to make the most out of every inch of space and of every moment.
She definitely wanted her child to grow up believing dreams were attainable—its own dreams, not those put upon it by parents. And maybe Jack was right—maybe it was work ones that mattered, not relationships. If that meant her baby saw her set up her own web design company, then great. And if it meant standing on the side of a mountain and watching Jack hurtle down it faster than the speed of light, then so be it.
But the streaming ideas didn’t fix the glitch in her heart. Yes, she could start up her own company. Yes, she could travel. But, fool that she was, she wanted to do all that with him. Yet that wasn’t an option that had even crossed his mind.
So while she’d teach her baby about following its dreams, she’d give it a base, too—the home and security she knew were so necessary. They might not be for Jack, but they were for most normal people.
She saw movement. He was home. She steeled herself. She could suck it up. And she had to start now.
She went down to the yard. He was riding, sending his board sliding across the planks he’d positioned on some make-you-wince angle.
‘I was a cow. A complete cow.’ She just said it. ‘I’m really sorry.’
He jumped off the board and looked at her.
‘You’re right. You’ve got to go. It’s your job. I’ll be fine. This place is going to be fantastic and please understand I do appreciate it. Not having to worry about a home and money is such a big thing, Jack. It really is.’
He ruffled his hair, his hand spread wide as he mussed it up.
‘I’ll be fine while you’re gone and I’ll be here when you get back. I was really childish saying I was going to move and shut you out.’ She swallowed up all the humble pie. ‘You were right, I wasn’t thinking about what’s best for the baby. I know you won’t be like my dad.’
Her heart ached as she said it. He wouldn’t be—she knew that in the times that he was around, Jack would be an awesome, involved, super-fun dad. She was just sad he wasn’t going to be around all the time. But permanence didn’t seem to be in Jack’s make-up. He needed to keep on the move, always striving for something just out of reach.
She glanced up to check his reaction. He looked as sombre as she felt.
‘We can make it work,’ she said, trying to sound sure of it.
‘Okay,’ he said quietly. ‘Thank you.’
She blinked.
‘What about us?’ he asked, moving closer to the jump between them.
Well, he hadn’t exactly mentioned ‘them’ when he’d dropped the ‘I’m flying out on Friday’ bombshell. But that was the point—there wasn’t ‘them’.
‘You were right about that, too. It isn’t about us. It’s about the baby.’
He paused. ‘I do like you, Kelsi. I like you a lot.’
Yeah, this was where it got messy again.
‘I like you, too,’ she said quickly. ‘And we can be friends, Jack. I know we can be friends.’
They could make it all work. But the lovers bit of it wasn’t ever meant to last—Jack didn’t do relationships like that. Really, his going away was a good thing—it gave her time to try to get over him.
He walked over the raised plank with an easy gait. ‘So.’ His voice lowered and he looked rueful. ‘That’s it, then.’
‘Yeah,’ she said, her voice a mere thread. ‘Don’t you think?’
For a moment it was there between them—the awareness almost visible. Complicating it again had been the dumbest thing they’d done. But he’d been right about that, too—she couldn’t regret it. It had been the experience of a lifetime.