Page 59 of Before We Were Us

“Those don’t count.” She waves us off.

“They totally count,” he assures her before motioning for another round. “You’ve puked from all our ventures out more times than Brynn and I combined.”

“Whatever.” She doesn’t try to deny it because she knows he’s right and I’m witness to it.

“Anyone want to dance?” Whitney shimmies her hips as she glances over at the crowded floor. “I rarely get a night away from the baby, and I plan on taking it all in. My husband is on diaper and feeding duty, so I’ve got this short window to enjoy myself without worry.”

“Who are we to deny your fun?” I grab her arm and drag her off toward the dance floor where we get lost in the crowd of people. Soon we are joined by the rest of our little group and we each ensure Ciara is safely tucked in the middle of us. Sebastian gave strict instructions, and he’s already texted me at least half a dozen times asking how things are going.

I find it sweet to see that side of him, rarely is he vulnerable, or at least rarely to me.

Taylor grabs her phone from her back pocket and I notice she looks at her screen and then quickly looks around as if searching for something, or someone.

“Who is that?”

“Hm,” she says but I know she’s heard me. She chooses to be obtuse. “I’ll be right back.” Before I get the chance to question her she scurries off.

Marco and I share a look and then the crowd parts just enough for me to see her. Connor is leaning in whispering something in her ear, and she is gripping his shirt, holding her body close to his. When I see it, the only things that ring through my mind are drama and disaster.

The man is very promiscuous, he doesn’t hide it. Yes, Taylor is more free and willing to keep things casual, but in the end though she tries not to, her heart seems to get involved. If he thinks she will let him treat her like one of his many toys, Connor is sadly mistaken. Detective or not, she will beat his ass without pause.

“That’s going to blow up eventually,” Marco says exactly what I am thinking, leaning in close so only I can hear. “She says it is nothing but a little fun.”

“And you and I know how that works out. If she isn’t the one making the rules, it will backfire.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“Who? Connor?” I scrunch up my eyes in confusion.

Marco gives me the look that screams don’t play dumb. His head tipped slightly to the side, his eyebrow arched, and his lips pursed.

“Fine, no, I haven’t talked to him.” I’d hoped to ignore this topic a little longer, but he apparently has a different angle.

“So do you want me to give it to you straight, or keep pretending that what you are doing isn’t really fucked up?”

Marco and Taylor at times are too much alike. I love them both dearly, but sometimes I wish that they were a little less pushy.

“I don’t think what I want really matters, does it?”

“Well, you want him, but you’re too damn stubborn to admit that. You care about him, you might even love the guy, but instead of being with him you are holding on to this idea that he betrayed you.” I look away from him because it's easier to avoid his piercing stare. “Jensen isn’t even in the same category as Noah and Wes, what took place is nowhere close to the same thing. He wants you, he wasn’t hiding you from his innocent wife that was waiting at home for him. He was trying to live outside of the hell that woman has caused. You gave him back a sense of who he was before all that. I get why he didn’t say anything, you would have run in the other direction and he didn’t want that.”

“Maybe I’m scared.” I shake my head, hating how my emotions are now winning.

“Scared of what?” Marco asks as he hooks my arm and slowly drags me off to the side of the dance floor. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to do this here.” I don’t want to do it anywhere actually.

“Here, home, in the middle of Times Square, why does location matter? What is going through your mind, babe?”

“I know Jensen is not Noah or Wes.” When I get mad I cry, I absolutely hate it. Tears fall over my cheeks and I dig my nails into the palms of my hands hoping the pinch will help me gain some control. “When Noah and Wes did what they did, it hurt, I’ll admit that. But it didn’t crush me! I went about my life, more pissed than destroyed, I could function, I could flirt, and feel like my world didn’t collapse around me.”

“And with Jensen you know that’s not the case?”

I finally look at Marco, I mean really look at him without focusing on his nose or his mouth. “That day when we ran into his wife outside of the restaurant, I could barely breathe. I don’t even remember getting into the cab and driving home. I don’t remember entering my building, riding the elevator up or walking into my apartment. For days I felt like I wasn’t myself, I couldn’t focus.” I take a shuddering breath. “I’ve known him for a few months, and I let myself be consumed by him. Every call, or text, every little kiss, it took me over. I imagined a life with him, I let myself believe he could be it, and when that happened.”

Marco waits, knowing there is more but that I can’t seem to form the words.

“If I felt that way after a few months, what would I feel like after a year? Two years? I don’t want to know what that would do to me.”

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