Page 144 of Camera Shy

“I know. I should’ve talked to you, Avery, please. I’m so sorry.” She tents her hands over her face.

“It’s good you didn’t, though.”

Her brows quirk upward. “What?”

“I needed this to happen, to see what you really are. I’ve made so many excuses for you for so long. But I can’t excuse this.”

She hangs her head again. If she had hope for forgiveness, she must know that’s gone now.

“You know what the shitty part is?”

She won’t meet my eyes. Instead, she shrivels in her seat and merely shrugs.

“I want to tell you that you’re a slutty, conniving bitch. I want to hate you so much, but I’m just sad. That’s what happens when you really love someone, Palmer. They have the power to cut you to the core.” My voice grows cold once more, and the tears I’ve held back for so long, from hating myself in pictures, from all the crushes that picked Palmer, from getting dumped, from all the mean girls who hated seeing me with Finn, from the feelings of inadequacy as a woman…

I let them flow…

So I can finally let them go.

Because now I know the source of all this insecurity in my heart. It was because I wasn’t just ignoring the red flags. I was wrapped in the warning flag for twenty goddamn years in the form of my best friend.

“Getting dumped by Mason with a fucking ring on my hand is laughable compared to how I feel right now. Why? Why did you do this? I was such a good friend to you.”

“I know,” she whispers. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Agreed.” For the first time ever, I change the narrative. “And you no longer have me.”

“Aves, please forgive—”

“No. Don’t even ask. This is unforgivable, Palmer.” I brush at my tears, but it’s useless. We’re both openly sobbing and have attracted the attention of every single person in the room. I rise in my chair, my keys still clutched in my fist. “But I’m going to be okay because once I cut the dead weight, I’m going to feel free and happy. For you, however, I hope the anchor of shame, guilt, and loneliness drags you to the bottom of the ocean so you can drown in how pathetic you are.”

She mumbles something into her hands, but it’s incomprehensible through her open bawling.

“I never want to see you or hear from you again. From now on, figure out your own shit. Starting with your own way back home.”

With that, I rise and head through the sliding doors of the hotel. I find my Jeep and unlock the trunk. I’m immediately annoyed that the smell of Palmer’s perfume has saturated it, and I get a giant whiff of betrayal as the trunk door lifts. No matter. I’ll roll the windows down going seventy on the highway and the stench will eventually dissipate.

I yank Palmer’s luggage that we loaded this morning out of the trunk and place it on the curb. Without another moment of hesitation, I start the engine and peel out of the parking lot.

I drive away…

Changed.

No more pacifying. No more placating. No more Band-Aids for bullet wounds.

I’m ready for a true fresh start.

38

Avery

About two exits shy of the airport, I remember a conversation I had with Dr. Ruth Donovon. After her big win with consulting for Royalty Airlines, they of course offered her a board advisory position. Dr. Donovon has done very well for herself, but she could’ve owned the entire block she lives on in Key Largo if she wanted to. What stopped her?

When I was debating switching my major from science to business and was scared to lose all the credit hours, she told me to reverse dissect my life. Don’t think about my goals and what it takes to get there. She told me to picture my day-to-day life and think about what I wanted to fill my moments with. Dr. Donovon told me to let happiness build my goals. She loved to teach…so that’s what she continued to do until retirement.

When I think about what makes me happy in my day-to-day, I think about Dex and his scuba diving company. I remember all the random fish facts I know—even before this summer and my obsessive deep dive into Cherry Barbs—all because of Dex’s enthusiasm.

I think about Finn’s photography business and how nervous he is to take risks. How he needs me to hold his hand through some of the riskier aspects of small business ownership. He’s such a manly man, it’s quite endearing to see him nervous about something. He has a gap that I can actually help fill, and it feeds my soul.

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