Page 45 of Friends with Benefits (Club Risqué)

She sighed deeply, and it sounded like it was torn from her very soul. "There was never any question that you wanted me, either. The sex was always great, and now we're both reading off the same page, it has the possibility to be even better. But it still all sounds a bit too much like that old Meatloaf song, don't you think? You know the one—Two out of three ain't bad.

Thinking for a moment, he brought the lyrics to mind as snippets of the refrain drifted through his head on a sad, haunting melody. Want you… need you… never gonna love you…

Christian's heart stuttered when he realised exactly what she was saying, how she felt, even as the rest of the song drifted through his mind.

He shook his head vehemently. "Don't say that!" he demanded, feeling like she'd physically stabbed him in the chest with her words. "It's not true!"

"Isn't it?" Trinity asked gently. "Christian, I'm an open book. I love you. I've always loved you. Maybe I always will. But I know better now, that wishing for an outcome doesn't make it happen."

He looked at her, his face tortured, but at this precise moment, he just couldn't find the words. Trinity smiled sadly, and he felt his chest squeeze tight as if a giant hand was forcing all of the air out of his lungs and causing a deep, enduring ache.

His fingertips fluttered against her face, almost scared to touch, and his eyes betrayed his wretched dilemma. He was torn. He opted for honesty.

"I don't know what to say, Trinity. This is all so new, and we're only just starting to find our way. I can't quantify exactly how I feel right at this moment. I just know I want to have you in my life and explore the possibilities with you. Is that enough?"

Trinity stroked her hand across his strong, stubbled jaw, her eyes bright with the sheen of tears that he didn't know how to interpret.

"I'm a sure thing, Christian. Whether you return my feelings or not, that is my truth, wherever it ends up leading."

Christian took a deep, shuddering breath. He had to turn away from the expression on her beautiful face that was churning him up inside. He was so damn conflicted. He wanted to reassure her, but he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep or give her a false hope. It might make her feel better in the short term, but sooner or later, she'd realise it wasn't true and that would be even more unforgivable.

Truthfully, right now, he simply didn't know.

Rolling back and looming over her slight frame, where she lay gloriously naked and psychologically unprotected underneath him, yet still prepared to bare everything she had to him and whatever whims he might subject her to, he made her the only promise he could.

Grasping hold of her face in both his hands, he stared deep into pale, intriguing eyes that showed him everything and betrayed her vulnerability. "I can promise you one thing," he rasped out hoarsely. "And I want you to believe it, not because I say it, but because it's the truth."

She nodded her head in acceptance, waiting for his decree.

"Whatever happens, wherever this leads us, I will never lie to you!"

A tremulous smile trembled on her lips and she raised one hand to cover his before pressing a sweet kiss into his palm. "I know that, Christian, and it's all I can ask for. Whatever else has gone before, your honesty was the one thing I always knew I could rely on, because I already know you have never lied to me."

ChapterThirty-Two

Trinity looked around at the many familiar faces that smiled and welcomed her like a long-lost friend.

She was surprised if she was honest with herself. It had been a long time and these people held no allegiance to her. She had been nothing more than a sometime escort to one of their own, who had failed to even earn herself the title of girlfriend, never mind anything more.

It had been surprisingly fun to shop for a fancy frock for this charity ball. So very different from her typical wardrobe these days, which consisted of outrageous fetish wear, on the one hand, countered by strictly comfort wear on the other. Leggings, tunics, maybe a flowing summer dress or two.

She didn't even like to wear jeans. She spent so much time squeezed and contorted into rigid, boned corsets, unforgiving leather, sweaty, skin-tight PVC, and ridiculously high skyscraper heels, that her free time clothing deliberately included only the cosy and informal.

This dress incorporated a little bit of both, the glitz and the glamour, as well as the comfort. It was a supple satiny sheath that hugged her body but was still loose enough to float over the few curves she had. But really, she’d chosen it because the rich silver tones enhanced the unusual colour of her eyes. It fell with the grace and glide of a waterfall, and the fabric was heavy enough to make it slinky despite the fact that it flared from the hip into an A line skirt. The cowl neck showed her small bosom to its best advantage and the tiny shoestring straps showed off the tan on her shoulders and back with stunning contrast.

Of course, her bright red, spiky hair wasn't quite the fashion amongst all the elaborate coifs and glamorous updos, but she'd softened the look by smoothing it down and teasing out a few silky tendrils around her face so that it looked sleek and sophisticated instead.

A spray of glittering silk flowers threaded from behind her left ear and sweeping across the nape of her neck, disguised the boyish style and she'd even muted the colour with a rich mahogany wash in, wash out, colour tinting shampoo.

It wasn't that she was ashamed of the woman she’d become—far from it—she was more confident in herself than she had ever been in her life. It was more that she felt an instinctive urge to hold a part of herself back from this crowd.

Here, in this environment, with these people, she was Tara again and she felt the inexplicable urge not to muddle the two personas from her past and her present. This was a different reality from the life she lived day to day.

Trinity could barely even explain to herself, never mind anybody else, her need to keep a distance between the two, though it was likely that Micah would understand and have some extensive, convoluted explanation.

Not that she needed it. She just needed to stay true to her beliefs, and her belief was that Trinity and Tara needed to stay in their own separate realities until such a time that a compromise could be found to unite the two.

Or maybe it was just that she feared slipping backward into a time where her whole life had revolved around somebody other than herself, until she had lost herself completely. Not just her identity, but her likes and dislikes, her hopes and her dreams.

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