Page 18 of The One I Left Behind

I walk around the two rows of books, pretending I’m looking at some book about Franklin Lloyd Wright. Hey, maybe Clayton has some project for school. They don’t know.

“Oh, Gillian,” Louise says.

I turn to the group, trying to pretend I didn’t overhear them discussing my life.

“Red suits you,” she says, gesturing to my shirt, which at the moment matches most of their faces.

The entire group of six have red cheeks, and some of them are even looking at their paperbacks in their laps instead of me.

“Thank you.” I pretend to grab a book. “What’s the book this month? Surely not a romance book.”

Louise glances at Mr. Schmidt, who looks unfazed by my surprise visit.

“Good God, no,” Mr. Schmidt says. “Louise has a separate book club for those books.”

I bite down hard when he refers to romance books as those books. As if she should be ashamed of what she’s reading.

“It’s a mystery novel,” Louise says.

“Oh, maybe after I’m done with the bar exam, I can join you guys.”

“We’re always looking for more people,” she says.

“Good.” I step forward, keeping my eyes on Mr. Schmidt, but say to Louise, “Although I do like romance, so maybe I’m more suited for the other book club.”

Louise smiles as though she just beat out Mrs. Fortmeyer’s chili at the state fair. Those two have been competing for years.

I turn to leave but circle back. “Oh, you know what I love to read about? Books that take place in small towns where people gossip about others. Those are some of my favorites.”

Mr. Schmidt still looks unfazed, but embarrassment washes over the faces of the other book club members. I didn’t say it to embarrass anyone, but I want to shut this down for my son’s sake.

Damn Ben for coming home.

I shift to go back to where I was working, but a big body comes through the front door with a stack of books in his arms. Seriously? How can I squash the gossip when he keeps appearing wherever I am?

“Benny!” Mr. Schmidt bellows.

Mr. Torres comes by with his cart in perfect timing. “This is a library, Gary.”

The damage has been done. Ben stops at the desk and turns around. I’m standing there like an idiot, watching him when I should be running.

Our eyes catch. I’m really tired of my body’s reaction when he looks at me. As if he’s apologizing with his eyes.

I take the book I was pretending to read and disappear into my corner. Whatever he’s doing here, he won’t be long. Ben never was a guy for the library unless he was seeking me out and trying to pry me away.

I open my book and read the same paragraph probably five times because my head is now full of distractions. At this point, I would’ve gotten more done at home with Clayton and Drew screaming at their friends while playing video games.

“Hey, Gillian.” Ben’s deep voice causes shivers to scatter along my spine.

Why is he seeking me out? Wasn’t I clear at Dr. Whitaker’s office that I want nothing to do with him?

I slam my book closed and swivel in my chair. “Noughton, surprised to see you in a library.”

He grabs the back of the chair at the desk next to me.

He better not think he’s going to sit down.

Sure enough, he slides the chair back and folds his big body into it. “I only ever came here to see you.”

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