Page 76 of Lost In London

“Thanks, Dre. See you later.” It took me no time at all to sign in and find the floor where my dad was. Didn’t take me long to pass the waiting room filled with my aunts, uncles, and cousins.

I didn’t even waste my breath speaking.

Room 1111.

That should be a good sign, right?

Angel numbers.

I said a quick prayer and knocked on the door. Landon’s voice urging me in almost made me bolt but I swallowed my nerves and walked in. My mom and Landon were seated around my dad who was surprisingly sitting up with wires and an oxygen mask.

“Oh, London. I’m so glad you’re here.” My mom rushed over to hug me. There was so much I wanted to say but emotions squeezed me by the throat daring me to utter a word.

“Uh, hey, London.” Unsure of whether to hug me or stand still, Landon settled on a kiss to my cheek.

I wanted to say so much but my throat burned seeing this version of my dad. It’s like hands of regret and conviction squeezed my chest, wanting to tear me in half.

This man looked weak and small in size compared to the version of my dad I was used to seeing. What if he died and I never got to see him again? Would I be okay knowing I never got to spend time with him during his last days because I was carrying around childhood traumas? Was it even worth it to carry that amount of pain anymore?

“Can you all step out and let me talk to my baby girl?” Knowing I was still his baby girl gave my tears permission to warm my cheeks. Pulling down his mask once we were alone he held out his hand for me. “Come here, London.”

I think I moved faster than lightning rushing into his arms. Though in my eyes it looked like he was weak from his health condition, he was the total opposite. Lifting and cradling me in his arms like I was a baby. Rocking me back and forth. The tears I cried were warranted at this moment.

“I’m so glad you came, baby girl. Laying in the back of that ambulance, slipping in and out of consciousness. All I could think about, all I could pray for was that God would spare me more time to apologize to you.” His scruffy beard brushed across my forehead as he kissed my temple. “I’m so sorry for not being there when you needed me. I’m so sorry for not protecting you when you needed protecting.”

Dear God, what was happening?

The more he apologized the more I sobbed in his arms. My tears were bountiful but they were of relief.

“I saw your light dim until nothing was there. I don’t know what happened and I beat myself up for not stepping in when it did. I thought you moving to Florida would help you find your footing, get you out of Landon’s shadow. But seeing you this last year as nothing but a shell of yourself.” His body shook along with mine and soon the tears running down my cheek were a combination of his and mine. “Now you’re glowing. Though I never expected it, I’m glad that she’s making you happy.”

Oh, gosh.

Wiping my face and laughing, I sat up and bumped his shoulder. “It’s a he, daddy.”

I laughed harder watching his shoulders sag in relief. “Oh, good. When can I meet him?”

Geesh. Everybody wanted to meet Quincey. “Soon. Very soon.” I wasn’t ready to share him with my immediate family yet. There were still a few conversations I wanted to have with him.

“London Nicole Carter.” He gripped my left hand and held it up squinting at my gimmel rings. “Now I know you march to your own beat but he didn’t ask for my permission to take your hand in marriage. I’m old school, baby girl. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to walk my only daughter down the aisle?”

Afraid that he was about to work himself up over nothing, I eased his mind and explained the rings and how Quincey gave them to me. By the time I finished telling him about my man I’d basically given him the full rundown of how I was running from love and how Quincey made it effortlessly to fall in love. I spoke about how he’s helped me grow in faith and find healing in my trauma. Surprising to me, I even showed him my scars from self-harming.

That took us into another cycle of tears and apologies. Since we were being so raw and open, I went on to explain my pain but not in full detail. I gave no names or specifics to what happened but I shared what it had done to me. Shared how him not answering my call triggered and broke me. Shared how Cassian Kalmin has been my saving grace and how Quincey Reid has become God’s most precious gift to me.

We cried, we apologized, we laughed, we shared, and I’d like to think we started healing. Making amends with my dad took the biggest weight off my shoulders. I didn’t even realize I was burdened down so heavily by not talking to him. True enough I was a daddy’s girl, and it took me tonight talking with him to see how having that discord in our relationship played a part in my slow process of healing.

Now my mom was a different story.

By the time the nurses came in to give him his nightly meds it was well past visiting hours. Whatever they gave him knocked him out instantly. Only people that were left in the waiting room were Dre, Landon, and my mom. Drea and Coco were at his brownstone with LJ. I knew my mom was going to shit a brick when I told her that I wasn’t going home with her but she’d just have to deal with it. I had to take her in dosages right now with the way my emotions were set up.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow. Come on, London. I’m parked right over here.” Here we go.

Dre stood scratching his neck looking uncomfortable. While I was talking to my dad, I texted and asked him if he would drop me off at my apartment. I could’ve taken an Uber but that would’ve started an even bigger argument. All I wanted to do was take a nice hot bath, order some food, and FaceTime my man until I fell asleep… in my own home.

“I’m going to my place tonight, mom. I’ll see you in the morning.”

That hip popped out so fast. “Seriously?”

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