Page 7 of Lost In London

Since that horrible night at the W Hotel, he’s never left my side. After paying a hefty fee to have the door replaced and the carpets cleaned from my blood when I cut my wrist, he lovingly cussed me out, and then took me to his house where I’ve been since. He asked me to tell him what happened when I was ready, and I did two nights later after waking up in the middle of the night throwing up.

Yeah, he knew I was pregnant but he didn’t know who I involuntarily went half on a baby with.

After I told him my tragedy from that night, he was ready to avenge my honor. Dressed in all black with a pistol in each hand, that notorious mug on his handsome face, he pleaded for me to tell him the name.

I couldn’t.

As much as I wanted to, God acted mightily to keep my lips shut. It was hard to explain to him why I couldn't but once he called Amell, hoping the wise and knowledgeable man could talk some sense into me, Cassian was once again hit with an order to stand down.

Unlike his brother, Amell understood my dilemma. I explained the words of the voice. Explained how whenever I tried to speak about who did it, God would literally turn my words into babbling. He got me and somehow made his brother understand me too.

“She was trying to get up and fell. The medicine has kicked in so she can’t be exposed like this.” Devil nurse and Cassian managed to get me back on the exam chair. “Please stay with her. We…”

“Damn right I’m staying.” Pushing a chair from the corner up to my side, he held my hand. “Lolo, I got you, okay?” I nodded, thankful my sobs had slowed to hiccups. I was so tired of crying.

So tired of it all.

Five minutes later the doctor came in and went over the procedure. As he talked I kept my eyes on Cassian and zoned out. He listened for me. Asked the questions I didn’t have the heart to ask and then when the doctor was ready, he barricaded my head in his thick, muscular arms so I couldn’t see anything, though the sheet on my legs blocked my view.

“I promise you, London. I swear on all my kids that I’ll never let anyone ever hurt you again.” He promised as I fell into a deep sleep.

Landon asked me what I’d done to keep calling him like I didn’t have any sense. A heavy sigh of aggravation greeted my ears before my daddy said a word when he answered my calls. My mom asked what drama have I gotten myself into and Dre has forgotten me altogether.

Everyone I once thought I could call upon showed me differently when I needed them most.

Everyone is so hung up on my ways of the past that they’ve allowed the old me to blind them to the new me… so my cries went unheard and ignored.

It was after three in the morning but it felt like time had long ago stopped ticking. All of the kids were in a deep realm of sleep. A calmness cloaked the house in warmth as I padded barefoot down the stairs to Cassian’s man cave. The closer I got to his room the less it felt warm and colder… deathly chilling.

I loved his red and black decor. It fit his personality. Red for all the blood pumping in his big heart. Black for the menacing man he tried to hide from his kids. In the corner past his pool table and arcade games sat a dark figure. Had he not been flickering his lighter, giving me milliseconds to observe his face, I wouldn’t know it was him. He kept the lights off and I wouldn’t dare disturb his peace more than I already was by turning on lights. Instead, I followed the pain in my chest until I reached his silhouette.

Crazy how my heart began to beat slow as I inhaled the potent herbs of his blunt. Atlas was a true genius when it came to natural herbs. Any other time I’d turn around and hightail it out of his sacred space eyeing him in nothing but his boxer briefs but the waves of weariness and sadness surrounding him made my already puffy red eyes teary. I padded closer to him slower than a turtle.

It’s like his guilt and pain suddenly became my own making my already depressing state more overwhelming. By the time I made it next to him on the floor, our shoulders touching, my lips were trembling, I felt like crying.

Today was a lot.

A heavy day of memories.

It was Noelani’s birthday and the girls had already written out the date on the family’s calendar in the kitchen before her death.

There were tears… lots of them.

There was anger… rightfully so.

There was silence and clinging… I offered all I had.

But there was a glimpse of brightness when Cashton agreed to come home with me after seeing Cassian try to console his girls. He was on the verge of breaking and his only son wasn’t there so I went down the street to get him.

Cashton came with no fight.

Walking into the house and seeing his Papa on the couch with Melly and Tai sobbing out for their mother, he offered another warm body for them to lean on.

“I can’t remember names for shit but I remember the names of the bitches that hurt me the most by their abandonment.” Not even his lungs full of smoke could hide the tremble of pain in his voice.

My eyes blinked as the room slowly became a red light space. Dropping the remote I didn’t know he held in his hand he looked over at me with so much… so much of everything.

There was pain, anger, fear, sadness, disparity, and grief.

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