Page 46 of Lost In London

He made me give in and buy myself a rose toy. Seeking self-pleasure, an act of self-care that I haven’t given myself in over a year.

I’ve always wanted a man to be obsessed with me. Call it toxic or crazy but I wanted that crazy type of love. A man to spoil me, prioritize me right after he prioritized God. A man that is territorial over me and didn’t want to share me with anyone. My warning about him getting attached to me was really me speaking my truth.

I was becoming more and more attached to this man and I wanted to continue to swim out to the deep end of the ocean and drown in him.

Giving myself a pep talk to go back out there and enjoy the rest of the night, I stood at the sink washing my hands and sent a text to Benny asking if he’d pick me up in thirty minutes. I could only smile when he replied that he was already outside. Cassian forever having eyes and protection on me would never grow old. I appreciated it more than anything. My levels of dealing with people had maxed out and I was ready to go.

“Are you having fun?”

Snapping my head up to the mirror, I locked eyes with a tipsy Julianna who rested her back against the door. She was cute trying to barricade me in. I’ve been waiting for her to say something to me all night. Call it intuition or what have you, but I knew whatever this conversation was about it would have Olena in the midst of it.

“I am. Are you enjoying your party?” Patting my hands dry on the towel, I took out the small tube of lotion I kept in my purse and moisturized my hands.

“I am. I would really be enjoying myself if I didn’t have to worry about you fucking over my friend.” And it begins.

Tickled, I leaned against the counter and entertained her bullshit. “How is it that I’m fucking over your friend?”

Pushing off the door, she sauntered my way until we were eye to eye. “Is she some weird experiment for you?” Her eyes narrowed as she looked me over. Julianna wasn’t a bad looking girl. I could honestly say every woman in her VIP party tonight was beautiful and melted the hearts of every man that looked their way. “Wanting to see what being with a woman feels like? I get why she’s crazy over you but I can’t say I believe the same when it comes to you.”

I didn’t want to know what the sexual liberations of being with a woman felt like. That’s exactly why this whole ordeal between Olena and me was crazy and stupid. “Hmm, I guess we’re in the same boat because I can’t say that I believe you are fine with staying as just a friend to her when you fuck her with your eyes every chance you get.” My feet were starting to hurt and I wasn’t in the mood to be catty with another woman.

Her pretty golden catlike eyes widened in surprise that I figured her out but quickly channeled back to her act of pretending. “Trust me, if I really wanted her I could have her. But I don’t.” Who was she trying to convince, me or herself? “I don’t want her to get hurt over your bullshit because if you do hurt her I’ll…”

I tsked. “Aht. Aht. Be careful with your words, Julianna. Issuing threats isn’t wise. Trust me, you don’t want to make an enemy out of me. I will make your life a living nightmare. Choose your words wisely.” My lips tingled as I smirked watching her throat bob as she swallowed that lump.

“I’m not…”

“Hey, what are you guys doing?” Saved my bell. Olena pushed through the bathroom, brows creased looking between me and her bestie. “Is everything okay?” Standing next to me she grabbed my hand rubbing circles on my knuckles.

Lifting a questioning brow at Julianna, I gave her the floor to speak before I did. “Yes, we’re good, girl. Just talking about life. I mentioned to London that I was having issues with my stomach and she suggested some natural herbs and juices I could make. Thanks again.”

Oh, she was good. Too damn good. “Anytime.”

“I need a drink. See y’all back on the dancefloor.” Placing back on her facade, Julianna left, leaving me with Olena who continued to search my face as if she had the power to read me.

She wasn’t Quincey, so this was about to be a failed mission.

Damn, did I just say that?

“I’m sorry for pushing up on you tonight.” Her lips said one thing and her hands said another. She was sorry but felt the need to rub her hands up and down my arms. “I’m really into you, London and it’s hard for me to not show my affection towards you when I’m used to moving ten times faster but I get it and I’m still willing to see this through.”

I felt like complete shit.

Why was I stringing her along knowing that this wasn’t going to end how she wanted?

The idea of us being together was fine and dandy a month ago. I entertained the idea more than anything because it’s what I thought I wanted and needed to do. But then this six-foot-three man bombarded his way into my life making me rethink everything.

“I forgive you.” Pecking her lips, I earned a wide smile. “Come, let’s go dance the night away.”

God, I need help. How do I get out of this situation?

She didn’t run from me.

If anything she ran head first my way with such force pumping behind her legs that we were bound to have a head-on collision. Nothing about London Nicole was done with ease. Either she came bulldozing her way into your world or you stayed on the outside looking in with heavy shoulders of longing. I learned that after the evening at my house. Once she found trust not only in my words but in my actions too, she sprouted and bloomed into a beautiful flower.

Our text conversations were consistent.

I saw her face at least once a day on facetime.

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