Page 2 of Lost In London

Not once did I question the words coming out of his mouth. I didn’t feel like I had a reason to. Before leaving New York to come to Florida I prayed a long prayer. I made vows to God and myself. I even gave myself a ring – a rose gold ring with a crown and diamonds. Chose to be celibate until God sent the man He created for me. Going celibate was easier than I thought. Those stories in the blogs about me had some truth to them; I changed the men in my bed as often as I changed my sheets. Blame it on my hyper-sexualism.

When I met Elgin I thought my prayers were answered. Granted his name took me a few seconds to get over. But then I remembered one of my favorite R&B singers is named Elgin Baylor Lumpkin but sings under Ginuwine. Those blazing red flags, I ignored them all because I was so enamored with him. He knew nothing about my past, he didn’t care to know.

He spoke of everything I wanted.

Physically he may not have been in the room with me when I prayed my heart out to God about the man I wanted but those imps working for the devil were and they sent him my way.

A wrapped gift portraying an answered prayer but really the devil himself.

Andrea always tells me to try the spirit when I meet people. To make sure they have the fruits of the spirit - love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. Elgin pretended to be a man wielding those attributes to get close to me.

One important key lesson he taught me was that the devil hears our prayers.

I prayed for God to send the man He created for me. The devil heard my prayer and sent a counterfeit. I, being so full of joy that a man was sent to me, never listened to Andrea and didn’t try Elgin’s spirit. Never prayed for clarity, discernment or confirmation. I saw the man and dived headfirst into his web of destruction.

Clearing my throat, I held my head high and asked my questions. The questions that kept me up at night for weeks. He and I talked every day like nothing ever happened but I couldn’t bring myself to see him until now.

“We were getting serious but then… why did you do it? That night… why did you do that to me?” There was no need to thank myself for my voice not quivering or my resolve not breaking.

I was numb.

There wasn’t anything to break.

Smirking, he stroked his goatee sizing me up. “You know what type of man I am, London. I can’t have no weak bitch. It was a test to see how you can handle being with me. Plus, I knew that celibacy shit was a front. All it took was a real man to bring it out of you. Truthfully, all that shit you say about waiting pissed me off. You thought I was some sucka ass nigga and couldn’t handle your bougie ass. Had to humble you down and show that you’re not better than me.” He shrugged. “I know you aren’t used to a man like me so I had to show you that I could handle you unlike them lame ass New York niggas you’re used to dealing with.”

Turning my head and looking at my purse, a purse that held all of my latest secrets and nightmares. My ears became clogged with my screams from that night. Stretching out my hands and looking at them. How clean they are. Faint healing cuts and bruises. Though they were clean all I could see was the blood that once stained them. My head began to throb, reminding me of the excruciating pain I was in from having my head bashed in the window of his truck. I looked down at my clothes. They weren’t torn or stained with my tears, my blood, and his semen.

A test.

No weak bitch.

A front.

A bougie bitch.

A real man.

At this very moment, it happened. The pieces finally aligned together, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

Blinking, I looked all over the parking lot until resting my eyes back on him. “I see. Um, well, I have to…” Hearing my phone ring, my shoulders sagged in relief. Grabbing it from the middle console I answered. “Hey.”

“Don’t hey me, London. Where are you? Tai got one more time to stomp them loud ass annoying click-clacking shoes asking for your ass. We’re about to cut the cake so can you hurry up.” I swear Cassian could turn any frown into a smile with his antics.

Nodding and smiling like he could see me, I told him I was on my way. “Calm down, crazy. Tell Tai I’m on my way.”

“Yeah, you better be.” Hanging up on me, I looked at my phone shaking my head. Tai and Melly had become my new broke little best friends along with their crazy daddy.

“I have to go. Call me later.” Hopping in my car before he could do further damage, I had my car in reverse by the time he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

“Send me a picture of you in some lingerie.” He whispered before stepping back. To keep the bile in my throat from spewing in his face, I nodded and waved bye.

Absent-minded, I drove to the compound. Whatever last bit of grace God had to give me was evident with me not getting into any accidents. Foot on the gas and hands on the wheel. Anything else I don’t remember. My thoughts kept replaying the haunting movie from that night. Replaying my screams. Replaying the slaps and punches. Replaying the ripping of my clothes. Replaying the bites and pinches.

All of it was a sick bastard’s test.

My mind must’ve been in a savage mood and wanted to destroy me further. It went back to my college days when Desmond Jones made it painfully clear he wasn’t a guy who had ever been told no by a girl. Desmond wasn’t as volatile as Elgin but he still forced himself on me. Even kept me locked in his dorm room for an entire weekend. Doing whatever whenever he pleased. Sealing the envelope of my silence to his abuse by recording it and threatening to expose me for the slut I really am.

How was I a slut when I cried and pleaded for him to stop? How was I a slut when I went over to his dorm with the pretense of us working on a group project as we’ve done several times before? If I ever came out about it I already knew what people would say – “What did you do, London? Did you provoke him?”

---