Page 86 of The Dixon Rule

No, damn it. I can’t be.

I never feel anxiety. Even before a cheer competition, the nerves come in the form of giddy excitement. Fear isn’t something I feel often, and when I do, it’s entirely justified. Like that time Gigi and I were walking down a dark alley in Boston and heard a car backfire. I genuinely thought it was a gunshot, and the resulting jolt of adrenaline injected into my bloodstream had been intense.

Or when Dad’s next door neighbor’s dog got loose during the Labor Day potluck last summer. The huge Doberman went tearing toward a group of children, and for a second, my heart was in my throat because I truly thought he was going to maul them. Turned out the dog was great with kids. All he did was steal their ball and then make them chase him while the kids shrieked with laughter.

Both those incidents elicited fear, and it made sense. I thought there was danger. But I’m not in any danger right now. There’s no reason for even a twinge of panic.

I sit on the couch, breathing in and out, willing my pulse to slow.

Eventually, the anxiety fades, but the unhappiness remains tight in my chest. I can’t let this keep happening. I am not a weak person. I am not afraid of anything, especially not a pathetic, insecure man like Percy Forsythe.

Starting right now, I need to find a way to let this go.

GIGI:

Are we still on for tomorrow night? If so, I’m thinking dinner at the Indian place near Fenway. Then drinks at that martini bar we really liked?

ME:

Yeah, I’m still down!

ME:

Oooh yes, I love that restaurant. Def want to go back there

ME:

Shane and I are dating now

ME:

Which martini bar? The one near the Ritz?

GIGI:

Wait. What?

GIGI:

What do you mean you and Shane are dating??

GIGI:

Answer me!

GIGI:

CHAPTER NINETEEN

SHANE

Trial boyfriend

“I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED ANYMORE.”

The glum statement comes from Ryder, who sits on the other end of the couch, stone faced.

I do my best not to laugh at him. “Hate to break it to you, bro, but you’re already married.”

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