Page 62 of The Dixon Rule

I force myself to pay attention, cutting her off before she can continue extolling Percy’s big-brained virtues. “We didn’t communicate well, Mom. And he was too insecure. That’s like the least attractive quality in a man.”

To my astonishment, she voices her agreement. Then again, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

“Yes, I can see how that might be grating. Building confidence is key for human development.”

Fortunately, the conversation ends not long after that, and I’m able to refocus my attention on tonight’s more simple-minded, plebeian agenda.

Dinner and the hacienda, baby.

As always, the episode is rife with drama and dripping with sweat and sexual tension. When voting comes up, I have a big decision to make. The two Sugar Shack singles with the most votes are allowed to return but aren’t permitted to break up a couple or reunite with their former partner. They become a couple themselves, so sometimes you have to vote strategically. This show is very stupid.

When my votes are locked in, my phone rings again and this time it’s Shane.

“What do you want?” I ask in lieu of hello.

“Hey, I need your help.” His voice is oddly hushed.

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I need.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna like it.”

“I think you’re gonna love it. Seems like the kind of game-playing you’ll enjoy.”

“All right, I’m intrigued.”

He mumbles something.

“Sorry, what? I can’t hear you.”

He mumbles again.

“Shane! I can’t hear you.”

“I’m trying to be quiet. They’re in the other room.”

“Who’s in the other room?”

“My ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend,” he mutters as if speaking through clenched teeth. I hear a hiss of air.

“Oh. Oh no.”

“I can hear you smiling, Dixon.”

“I mean, you cleaned the house for her.”

“No, apparently, I cleaned the house for them. It’s cool, though. I did some damage control.”

“What kind of damage control?”

“I told them I had a girlfriend.”

I start to laugh. “This is the greatest day of my life.”

“Oh, it gets better, Dixon. I told them it was you.”

My jaw falls open. I’m stunned speechless for a moment. “Me?”

---