Page 119 of The Dixon Rule

The conference room is full when we enter, but Priya saved my usual seat in the front row. I’m about to tell Shane he’s relegated to the back when, on Priya’s other side, Veronika pats the empty chair next to her and says, “Shane, I saved you seat.”

I reach down and give his butt a discreet slap. “Go get your cougar, tiger.”

“I hate you,” he mumbles.

We take our seats, and Brenda gets the meeting going with an agenda item I couldn’t care less about.

September Sausage Fest.

You’d think Shane would be as bored as I am, but to my total astonishment, my fake boyfriend and real lover becomes more animated than a teen girl gushing about her favorite pop star. He starts rambling about his favorite butcher in Boston and how if we really want to experience sausage, we need to talk to Gustav, who recently started selling a sweet Italian sausage flavored with fennel and garlic, which is almost as good as Gustav’s pork kielbasa, with its savory, slightly smoked taste.

“You know what,” Shane says, cutting himself off midsentence. “I think I should get added to the neighbors’ group chat. I’ll send all the details there.”

At the head table, Brenda eyes him with suspicion. “I thought you found group chats too stressful.”

“I’ve grown a lot since my last meeting. I feel confident I can handle the pressure of the group chat now.” He winks at Veronika, who giggles.

“I’ll add you.” Niall speaks up, albeit grudgingly. “But only because I like a good kielbasa.”

Shane grins at him. “Don’t we all, my man.”

Niall doesn’t smile back.

Since it’s impossible to get through an entire meeting without high drama, the shit hits the fan after Brenda opens the floor for concerns and complaints.

At the end of the front row, Carla shoots to her feet.

“I have a complaint. Enough is enough,” she tells the board. “She needs to be banned from the pool completely!”

Nobody has to ask who “she” is.

Veronika is quick to defend herself. “What? I deserve to swim as much as anyone else.”

“Do you know how she stares at my son Carl? He can’t go swimming anymore, he’s too anxious.”

“Maybe he isn’t anxious because of me but because his mother Carla is such a narcissist, she named her own child Carl.” Veronika folds her arms.

Shane tries to stop a laugh but fails, so it comes out as a wheezy snort.

Carla’s jaw drops. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, it’s weird. We all think it’s weird, right?” Veronika asks the room.

“I hate to agree with Veronika,” Niall mutters, “but I have always thought that.”

“Ugh!” Carla groans. “I swear, if she doesn’t have limitations set on her, I’m leaving the building. I will move somewhere else. We can’t live with this tramp ruining our community day in and day out.”

“Carla,” Brenda says, “we have no way to expel Veronika from the pool. She already paid her fine, and she hasn’t broken any new pool regulations to warrant suspension.”

“Okay, fine,” Carla huffs. “I want to propose a new rule. Diana, can you put it in the minutes?”

“Yeah, of course.” I hastily flip to the next page of my minutes notebook.

“Motion to add a formal rule disallowing whores from being at the pool.”

“You know what?” Veronika screeches and lunges for Carla.

Carla screams in horror, jumping out of her chair and seeking safety behind the board members’ table. But Veronika keeps lunging, and now Brenda has her hands out between the two of them. Niall gets up to hold Veronika back, but she’s like a feral animal.

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