Page 254 of This Woman Forever

“So then what?”

Here we go. “Rosie was three and I made the worst mistake of my life.” Ava knows the next bit of the puzzle, but she would never have pieced it together. Why would she? She only had minimal facts. “I slept with Sarah.”

“Sarah?”

“Carmichael and Sarah were together.”

Up she comes, so fast I don’t have a chance to stop her. “They were?” Her face. Expected, I guess. “Sarah and Carmichael?” she questions. “But I thought he was a playboy.”

“He was.” A terrible, hedonistic flirt. “With a girlfriend.” Tell her everything. “And a child.”

“What?” Eyes wide, she stares at me, and I see she’s trying so hard to hold on to her shock and control her rampant curiosity. “Go on.”

Fuck, this story is long. “Carmichael walked in on me and Sarah,” I say, shaking away the look of sheer disappointment on his face. “He hit the roof, got the girls, and left.”

“The girls?”

“Rosie and Rebecca.”

“Your Rosie and their Rebecca,” she whispers. “The car accident?”

I nod, exhausted, needing to close my eyes for a few moments. Hide. “I didn’t just kill my uncle and my daughter,” I whisper. “I killed Sarah’s girl too.” Strangely, Sarah’s never thrown that accusation at me. Never.

“No,” Ava whispers. “That can’t be your fault.”

“I think you’ll find that my poor decisions have been the cause for everything, Ava. I’ve fucked up on so many levels so many times, and I’ve paid for it, but I can’t pay anymore, not now I have you. What if I make a bad decision again? What if I screw up again? What if I’m not done paying?” My body sinks into the mattress as all air leaves my lungs with my panicked words.

Ava bites into her lip, stunned, clearly trying to wrap her mind around the barrage of information. “You are more than done paying,” she says quietly, turning her eyes to my torso. “When did she hurt you before?”

“After Rosie died, she tried so hard to make me see that we needed each other. She had always been a little unpredictable.” That could be the most under-egged statement ever made. “But when I continually rebuffed her advances, she really started behaving erratically. We’re talking full-on bunny-boiler style.”

“Did she get pregnant on purpose?”

“Probably.” What am I saying? Definitely. But I can’t regret Rosie.

“And she stabbed you?”

“Yes.”

“Did she go to prison?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Why?”

“Her family got her help and kept her away from me in exchange for my silence.” Poor Alan. He only ever wanted to fix his daughter while at the same time ignoring the obvious issues she had.

“But look at the mess she made of you,” Ava whispers. “How did you pass that off?”

“It’s pretty superficial. She did a better job this time.” Yeah, she got me good, and to think she was aiming for Ava? My blood runs cold, and Ava flinches and pales a little.

“You didn’t even go to hospital, did you?” she says, and I shake my head. “Who stitched you up?”

“Her dad. He was a doctor.”

“Oh my God.” She lowers to a chair, stunned. “And where were your parents whilst all of this was going on?”

“They’d already returned to Spain.” And I ignored any attempt of contact. Drunk. Ashamed.

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