Page 87 of The Price of Forever

I gritted my teeth as his kisses danced along the edge of my panties. I focused on long, even breaths. Seven wasn’t going to pin me here. Seven was sweet, he was aware…and he was removing my underwear in a forceful tug.

I felt his body weight shift. My panties were gone. And then he was back on top of me. When he tried to open my legs, I realized how rigid they’d become. Seven paused, dragging his fingertips over my hip.

“What’s going on, Jordan?” Concern filled his voice. “Why are you so tense?”

The simple question felt like a rock against the aquarium glass of my emotions. My breath hitched, then suddenly the tears came. Shame flooded me, and I tore myself out from underneath him, racing to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and stumbled over to the closed toilet seat, collapsing. My head fell into my hands and I cried, my entire body electrified and confused.

That wasn’t how the first time between me and Seven was supposed to go. And now, I’d outed myself. My shameful truth. I was mortified—he’d discovered just how sensitive I was, what a phony I was. I spent my nights at the club acting liberated and powerful in my sexuality, when the truth was that I was still a teenager ruled by bad memories.

I could turn on any guy in the world, but I couldn’t fuck how I wanted. What did that make me?

A soft knock sounded at the door. “Jordan?”

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down even a little bit. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“I’m just hungover,” I said, my throat thick with tears.

The knob jiggled. A moment later, the door swung open. He stepped into the bathroom, an olive-skinned mountain of muscle with washboard abs and deep concern filling his brown eyes. For a moment, we were suspended in time, his crushing confusion nearly choking me.

Then time snapped, and he was at my feet. Scooping me into his arms, pulling me into his lap as he sank onto the bathroom floor against the wall.

“What’s going on?” His voice was a reassuring murmur at my ear.

I buried my face in his chest, a few more sobs escaping. “I’m sorry. That’s not how I wanted any of that to happen.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” His big hand swirled comfortingly against my back. “I just need to know that you’re okay.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist, nuzzling against him. The tears still flowed, but some of my rational mind was returning. He was genuinely concerned, not just following me in here to finish the fuck. This wasn’t about his pleasure or him getting off. He actually wanted to see that I was okay.

And if I hadn’t been in love with him before, I was now.

I melted a little more against him, until I could hear his heartbeat. I listened until my breathing regulated and the tears were dry. He didn’t prod me. He just held me.

“I have a hard time with first times,” I whispered after what felt like an hour on the bathroom floor. “And I haven’t had a first time in a long time, because of how hard it is.”

He stroked my hair, not saying a word.

“Something about the room…and the darkness…” I swallowed hard, not wanting to immortalize the details. “I know we’re nowhere near where the bad things happened, but I-I just…”

“It’s okay.” He placed a kiss on the top of my head. “You don’t have to explain. You’re safe with me.”

“Thank you.” I squeezed him as tightly as I could.

“I’m sorry for putting you in an unfamiliar room when you were drunk,” he said a moment later. “I should have known better.”

“There’s no way you could have known I’d...react like that.”

“Do you have any other triggers I should know about?” He asked it softly, as if he’d almost thought better of it.

I shook my head. “It’s first times. And it’s dark rooms. I just don’t have a good track record with them.” I swallowed hard, thinking back to the moment the fear clicked into place. “Your bedroom wall color is almost the exactly the same as my ex’s.”

“I’m so sorry.” This time, he was the one to squeeze me in a tight hug. My eyes drifted shut. If it weren’t for the painful awareness that we were cuddling on a bathroom floor, I could have fallen asleep against his warm skin.

A long time went by before he said, “Do you have names?”

“What do you mean?”

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