“It wasn’t like that,” Axel said, sniffing hard. “Jordan, I promise you, that wasn’t what happened.”
The knot was growing in my throat. “Then why didn’t you take custody of us once you turned eighteen?” I asked it on a whisper. The question I’d been too afraid to ask—and know the answer to—for so many years.
“They wouldn’t let us,” Damian said, his eyes shimmering. He cleared his throat, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I looked into guardianship. I was the only one who could have applied at the time of our graduation from high school, because Axel was still seventeen. They said with our permanent residence changing to New York and without any verifiable stable income or any legal residence, we weren’t in a position to assume guardianship.”
Silence thudded through the room.
Axel’s jaw flexed, his ice blue eyes cutting through me. In a soft voice, he said, “We tried, Jordan. We did. But our hands were tied. Our only money was through these grants and student loans.”
“Why didn’t you stay in Kentucky?” I asked quietly. “Why did it have to be New York?”
“We all had big dreams; it just felt like the best decision,” Axel said.
“And by the time we could prove that we had something stable in our lives…” Damian’s breath whooshed out of him. “You were gone. Couldn’t find you.”
“And if you had, I don’t think I’d have moved in with you anyway,” I added with a sad laugh.
A tense silence stretched between us. I chugged more water, my heartbeat throbbing in every inch of my body. I never imagined how simple their side of the story might be. How honest and raw and real it would feel, coming from their lips. I supposed I thought, all this time, that they’d been hiding some malicious secret. That they never wanted Kaylee and me in the family, and their moving to NYC without us was their easy out.
What do you think Kaylee? I assumed—prayed—that she was sober now, up in Heaven, listening to us. And if that was the case, maybe she had a little more perspective. But I’d never know for sure if I was praying to Kaylee, or just listening to the sound of my own voice echo through my mind.
Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe now, it was for me to decide.
“I’m sorry you felt that we abandoned you,” Damian said softly.
“I’m sorry, too.” Axel shook his head, studying an unknowable point on the ground.
“I wish we could fix the past and erase all the suffering we endured. But we have time left in our lives. We still have a chance to enjoy what's left for us. I won't be woo-woo and say it happened for a reason. But it fucking happened, and it's up to us what happens next." Damian looked at me, the intensity in his green eyes feeling like both a hug and a promise. “Even if we get sent to prison for a decade after our trial next month…well, I want us to make the best of this next month together. Because that’s what we have.”
Axel nodded, his ice-blue gaze swinging my way, reminding me so much of my big sister. “I wish you and Kaylee had known how much we thought of you two. And after she died and you went MIA, we knew the only thing that made sense was dedicating the rest of our lives to trying to improve life for foster kids. In your names. It felt like the only way to atone for losing both of you.”
“By doing whatever we could to help other families avoid a similar outcome,” Damian added softly. “Even though it feels like an uphill battle. Money doesn’t cure everything. Kids need loving guardians, foster parents, adoptive parents. There will always be bad seeds. But when counties and states have more resources—”
“Provided they don’t mishandle them,” Axel interjected.
“—then we’re effecting a small bit of change along the way.” Damian rubbed his palms together slowly, as though thinking. “We work with foster kids here in the city, too. Help them connect with educational opportunities and mentors, help fund college, things like that.”
“Resources to find affordable housing,” Axel added. “Whatever we can do.”
I blinked back tears, but for a different reason now. “Wow. You guys are…” Incredible. I bit my tongue before it came out, because I still had Kaylee’s resentment lurking inside me. But it didn’t have such a strong grip anymore. Its power was dissolving. “You’re doing so much.”
“We have immense wealth,” Damian said. “I think we’re obligated to use the lion’s share of it to help others. What do you think?”
I fumbled for an answer. It was something that hadn’t ever occurred to me. Wealth wasn’t on my radar as much as making rent and scraping together an emergency fund were on my radar. I planned for as far ahead as I could, but in New York, that wasn’t much farther than six months.
“I don’t know,” I finally admitted. “I think if you’ve earned your money, that money is yours to do with as you want.”
“Well, this is what we want to do with our money,” Damian said.
“Give it away,” Axel added with a laugh. “We take care of ourselves, of course. We lead a great life. But there’s still so much left over. And no matter what the fucking SEC thinks, why shouldn’t that go to feed people who need it? Kids who can’t afford college? Friends back home who need a helping hand?”
“Or long-lost sisters who need a new apartment.” A coy smile curled at Damian’s lips.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JORDAN
My afternoon melted away in that living room with Damian and Axel. We talked about everything and anything. Memories of our birth parents bled into random discoveries of how much we all equally detested green beans, which bled into a surprise cross-town visit to the building they’d purchased from Cora’s family the year before and was now the headquarters for their charity efforts.