Page 28 of Love Hazard

“Oh, I’m sorry.” August threw up his hands. His hair was allover the place, and his face was full of what seemed to be terminalfrustration. “I’m sorry I’m horny as fuck and was forced to sleep next to thisgorgeous human I’ve crushed on for years while living emotional trauma in mydreams.”

I paused. “What did you just say?”

He frowned. “Nothing. I was thinking.”

“Yeah, you said all of that out loud.”

“When?”

“Just now.”

"Right now?”

“Yeah, like seconds ago. I’ll wait for it to sink in. You’rereally one of those people, aren’t you? I almost didn’t believe it, but now Ido. You have no censor and forget that words actually comeout of the mouth and don’t always stay between the ears.”

He jumped to his feet, nearly knocking over the tent, thenstomped out. “I’ll just go see a bear about that firewood.”

“You do that,” I called, then grabbed my shoes. “Just besafe. Remember, act big when you’re small.”

“I am big,” he snapped.

I held up my hands and followed him out of the tent, stilllaughing, though the laughter was short-lived once we were five minutes intoour walk for kindling.

“August,” I hissed. “Don’t move.”

I saw everything before he did. He was clearly stilldelirious from waking up with a boner and had zero brain cells left. I wasstill triumphantly telling myself it was because I caused it, made him dizzywith thoughts and confessions. I should hate him, but in those moments, I kindof wanted to throw myself all over him and make him crazy again just to seewhat he’d say.

August held up his hands without looking back at me. “Why amI not moving? If this is your weird idea of freeze tag, I’m not a fan. I’m toohungry, tired, horny—and yes, I said horny, so get over it—to deal with a prankright now.”

“It’s at the campsite behind us. I think it’s a bear, ormaybe that raccoon again. It’s hard to tell from here with the tree branchesblocking a lot of my view.”

“Is it white? Brown? Black? Does it climb? Is it a matter oflife or death? Is it eating my chocolate? Because I swear if those Hersheys get stolen, I will lose my shit.”

“It’s not eating your chocolate; it’s chewing on those tongswe used to move the hotdogs around.”

He exhaled. “My fault. I should have put them away.”

“Either way, it's not looking like a grizzly,” I said as theanimal wandered off.

“He’ll be back.” He slowly looked over his shoulder, handsstill up like we were in a holdup. “He’ll be back for sure after tasting thatwiener.”

I stared.

August stared right back.

I stared harder.

He sighed. “It’s still early. My brain isn’t functioning.”

“I kind of like not-functioning August.” I winked. “And Ithink it’s a she.”

“How so?”

“Safe to say, the tree branches are no longer an issue, andshe’s huge. Like she’s carrying her young.”

“Shh, quiet. It could spur her to turn back and chew onthings, mainly us. Us equals things.”

“Well, she took our shelter, and we’re seconds away fromclimbing up into our own tree right now. So, I’m sorry for panicking about thethief.”

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