Page 49 of Of War and Realms

I stretch my neck, and my eyes skim over so many crying faces. I hope the fates make Andras suffer for the unnecessary devastation he’s caused. If it wouldn’t also take my bonds, I’d stick another obsidian arrow through me just to go murder him again.

And the demons? It—

The demons. That came from the bridge to Breoqan Imogen opened…who is now dead.

Fuck. How did we not think of this earlier?

I push off the wall and casually exit the crowd, hoping it seems as if I only need a moment alone. When no one follows, I jog through the empty streets until I reach the little shop I’ve come to love.

The door creaks as I swing it open, thick air the first thing to greet me. I clear my throat, brows furrowing when I notice just how dark and quiet it is in here. Maybe she’s at the square?

“Ivana?” I call, wrapping my arms around my waist while I wait.

No answer.

I shift, looking between the door and the stuffy shop. I should leave…but something doesn’t feel right.

Actually, it feels perfectly right; as if something tugs on my presence and beckons me forward.

I move, deciding against using my fire to map the way. There are too many flammable items in here, and burning down a friend’s shop is not on the list of things I can handle at the moment. My hands reach out to feel around the shelves until I’m at the hallway and freeze at the faint light coming from the back room.

A tingling sensation slides up my spine and into my neck, my body shivering. There’s a slight flicker to the orange hue, though no shadows or sounds indicate a presence. As I walk to the room where my life nearly ended, the surrounding darkness invades my senses and threatens to call upon troubling memories.

The thought of being stuck in this creepy hallway with my past pushes my feet to move faster. I glance around the room as I enter, not surprised when it is empty—save for the candle and envelopes on the table. I swallow thickly when I notice my name written on the top envelope.

I pick it up and take a deep breath before unfolding the letter.

I drop into a chair, a hand covering my mouth. I do not want to read the next letter with my name on it…I already know what it will say. I felt her do it when we were on the field.

But I need to be there for my bonds, and that includes reading Teryn’s letter to me.

“Oh, my gods,” I whisper to myself, my eyes blurring at the corners. This is going to be so hard on them…and after what we all just went through?

I sit for a while, debating whether I should give them their letters immediately or wait until things calm down. I decide to hand them over and let my bonds make that decision; it’s what I would want them to do for me.

Passionate notes caress my ears as I rest my head in Emrys’s lap and watch Casmir finish the song he started what feels like a century ago.

Xamira sits next to him on the bench, tilting her head when he presses certain keys. Her tail swishes in time with the music. I’m so blessed.

A week ago, I finally rid this realm of Andras. Everything since then has just felt like a series of movements. As if there is someone else controlling the physical parts of my body while my mind sits in the shadows and rests. I think we all feel that way…especially after the letters.

It was beyond heartbreaking to watch the emotions flit across my bonds' faces as they read through what their mother wrote. Em took it better, I think. I had expected him to feel like the cause of Teryn’s sickness, but he had just silently shed tears and left to walk the city alone. He told me the next day that he went to thank his mother for giving him something so priceless. To thank her for sacrificing herself for him. He was just a withering boy that Casmir had brought back to the castle, and yet she had taken him in without a thought and never asked for one thing in return.

I didn’t mention that was the first time I’d ever heard him call her mother. I’m not sure he realized that himself.

Casmir did not take the letter so well. My prince broke into so many pieces…sobbing uncontrollably in my arms for hours. I held him and listened as he cried his way through different memories and things that he never told her and will always feel guilty about. He eventually targeted his turmoil toward me, apologizing profusely for not telling me sooner. I was so confused and worried that he was hallucinating, but he dragged me to his office and practically shoved a letter in my face. One from before I had gotten my memories back—when he was informed of Andras’s presence near the mountains.

I was silent for several minutes, my lungs not allowing me to form any words. Of course, that made things worse for Cas as he thought I was upset with him. The amount of time that had been eating him alive was so upsetting. I wish he would have said something earlier, as I could have at least eased some of his internal demons. It took a while to convince him that Andras’s actions were not his fault, though he did seem a little better after he passed out on his office floor and slept.

It was an extremely hard day.

The gods insisted on leaving the next, though I had asked Leia to send them off. Casmir and Emrys could barely get out of bed to shower—and I will need at least another twenty-five years before seeing my mother again—so there was no reason for any of us to say goodbye. And aside from wanting to avoid Aeryn, there was no one there I wanted to see before I left. Calix is gone. He and Xamira were the only reasons I survived as long as I did on Europa.

My vision blurs for the hundredth time this week. I am going to miss him so much.

“You okay, love?” Emrys’s warm fingers run through my hair and massage my head. I hum, sinking further into his embrace.

As difficult as it will be to find a new normal, and a life of peace, this right here is what I fought for. My three bonds. They are alive and safe. It’s as if the years of luck I was missing decided to return, allowing me to kill Andras and be in this moment with Casmir, Emrys, and Xamira.

---