Page 17 of Of War and Realms

Breathe in, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four.

I count ten before I feel calm enough. I have no time for panic attacks, so I’ve been doing everything I can to stall them. I can cry when this is over.

I look to my males, who both stand just in front of me, letting me have this moment to myself. I feel bad for directing my anger at them earlier. They shouldn’t have to be so understanding to just accept it.

Shaking my head, I gesture us forward and explain to them why I screamed at their parents. They ask questions the entire way to the city, never once blaming me for my outburst.

But in the back of my mind, a little thread of doubt inches its way in, telling me that I don’t belong here. That they’d be so much better off without me, as they wouldn’t have to deal with my quickly shifting emotions any longer.

Chapter Nine

Anellah

Aserene smile tugs at my lips when Casmir crouches to hug a young female. She giggles as he lifts her and spins a few times. Her mother stands to the side, adoration in her gaze. It’s amazing to me just how much Cas’s people love him, and how willing he is to give up his entire day just to speak with them. I do not believe there is anyone better suited to be the prince than he is.

A tingling sensation sweeps over my neck, and I look to my right to see Emrys watching me. The tender, unfaltering warmth in his eyes sends chills through my limbs. I certainly do not deserve their love and loyalty, but I’m so thankful for it.

“What?” I ask innocently, as if I do not see and feel every emotion projecting from him.

He shakes his head, his smile widening. “You’re beautiful.” The sudden heaviness that fills my chest forces me to bite my cheek, lest I start crying in the middle of the street. I cross my arms, offering him a small, returning smile before facing away. The next moment, his arm falls over my shoulders, pulling me into his hard but comforting side. The rhythmic thumping under my ear instantly soothes me.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, love. There is nothing in this realm or the next that compares to you. I will spend an eternity proving that to you, if that’s what you need.” He kisses the top of my head softly before focusing on the prince, indicating he doesn’t expect a response.

But I’m done hiding from my feelings. I’m done being seen as someone who is too emotional to even respond to a compliment or outward affection. They deserve so much more from me than that.

“Thank you.” My voice is hoarse, but I continue, stepping in front of my male to hold his devastating face between my palms. “You have no idea how much your words mean to me—how much they positively affect me. I am so thankful to have you and Casmir; you both are everything I’ve ever dreamed of and needed.” I press a thumb into his pursed lips, dragging it over the soft skin. “I love you. I love you both so much.”

Fuck, I did not want to cry. But stopping the few tears that escape is impossible, and I let them fall as I close the distance between Em and me. The kiss is soft and tender, so unlike the demanding presence I’m used to from him. I pull away blushing, narrowing my eyes to tell him that he’ll regret teasing me.

Spinning around, I find Casmir watching us as he speaks with a group of fae. It’s crowded today, and everyone seems interested in saying hello to their prince. We haven’t really been open to showing our relationship in public, not knowing what kind of reaction we’d get. But right now? Fuck it. I want each fae here to know exactly who their prince and captain belong to. I walk in his direction, my intentions more clear with each step. He excuses himself from the group, pivoting around them to meet me halfway.

I expect to see a question in his eyes—or even hesitation—but there is none. His features burst with excitement, as if he’s been waiting forever to claim me in front of his city. I’m not sure why, but it feels like this is an important moment. Like we’re supposed to be here, showing the connection between the three of us, making an unnecessarily big deal out of it.

The distance between us finally closes, and I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, smashing our lips together. Gasps ring throughout the street, most conversations dying in favor of frantic whispering. I spare them no more than a fleeting thought as I squeeze my prince hard before releasing him. As soon as we break apart, his eyes catch something over my shoulder. I find out a moment later that it’s Emrys, who clearly wants to give the crowd a show. One of his arms circles my waist, while the other reaches for the back of Casmir’s head, his fingers pushing hurriedly through the dark hair.

This time there is slight hesitation in Cas’s eyes, but it melts away the instant Em pulls him in. I laugh when the number of gasps around us triple, leaning my head on Em’s shoulder as he and his prince have their moment. When they release each other, we share an almost scandalous look between the three of us.

Casmir opens his mouth to say something, but I don’t hear it because a furious energy shoots through my body. It’s erratic. Intense. My mouth dries, the feeling so absolute that the heavy rain now pouring on us wouldn’t restore it. Without thinking, I straighten my body and lift my chin,dropping a cool mask of indifference over my features.

Xamira, come. They’ve arrived. She gives me an answering grunt before cutting the connection.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I know we need their help, but that will not make this easier. The worst part is that I cannot hide my males from them; I can certainly handle myself with the other gods—especially my mother—but to have Cas and Em subject to them? I don’t want them to see how she treats me. I don’t want any more pity from them.

I look in each of their eyes, drowning in the hazel and honey irises that watch me with concern. The chaos of the other fae running for shelter blurs at the edges of my mind. I barely notice as the street completely clears. Large beads of water splash against my heated skin, and I’m thankful for the sky’s company…it will help me stay grounded for what comes next.

Taking a deep breath, I catch movement in the sky and watch as Xamira lowers herself to my side. “The other gods are here,” I state to my males, before leading us in the direction of those I have not seen in twenty-five years.

“You will let me take the lead. Please do not speak just yet. They may appear kind, but they will use anything they can against you just because it amuses them. So let me handle this, okay?” My males nod, Emrys looking pissed—as usual—while Casmir has a nervous energy to him.

I turn around, standing just in front of them, with Xamira sitting to my right. I clasp my hands behind my back and take deep, calming breaths.

It will be okay. They’re here to help.

I huff a breath. I guarantee my mother didn’t come here to help. No, she wants to see just how disappointing her daughter has become since being on Earth. And fuck if I’m not a little excited to see her face when she realizes who’s behind me.

The rain slows, bringing my immediate attention to the hair plastered against my face. I will leave it, just as I will not show a speck of discomfort in my wet leathers.

---